(Parody) Christmas song condemned as “outdated” for suggesting Americans want soldiers to come home


[Disclaimer: This article is a parody story. While some events in this article are actually taking place, it is written for comedy purposes and shouldn’t be taken too seriously.] 


First, it was Dean Martin’s “Baby, it’s cold outside.” 

Now, it is Monty Lane Allen’s “All I Want For Christmas Is (A Soldier Coming Home).” 

The Christmas song, which was released in the early 2000s and is sung from the perspective of a military spouse, tells how a woman wants her husband serving in the U.S. Military to come home for Christmas. 

Democrats and Hollywood elitists quickly condemned Allen’s song, just in time for Christmas. 

This criticism comes as President Donald Trump has kept his promise to the American people about not fighting anymore wars and pulling U.S. troops out of endless Middle East wars, including taking American troops out of Syria.

(Trump has also made visits to U.S. troops stationed in the Middle East during the holidays in his first three years as President, most recently an unannounced trip to troops in Afghanistan this Thanksgiving.) 

“It’s obvious ‘All I want for Christmas is (A Soldier Coming Home)’ reflects a Trumpist view of America’s role in the world,” House Speaker Nancy Pelosi said. “It is meant to condemn the practice of having our brave young men and women fight in foreign wars that never ended.” 

“This young wife and mother should be proud that her husband is fighting to protect the freedoms of people in the Middle East,” actor Alec Baldwin said. “Who cares about freedom for Americans at home and making sure our troops get to see their kids grow up?” 

Baldwin is an avowed Trump critic and anti-American. 

“This is 2019, not 2004 or 2008,” Democrat Senator Kyrsten Sinema (Arizona) said. “It’s okay for Americans to support endless wars and to keep troops in foreign countries with no end to the fighting in sight.

“How dare President Trump keep his promise to take our troops out of Syria?” Sinema added. “We have to be there for at least two decades and spend billions and trillions of dollars there before we can even think about leaving that country.” 

Sinema was a radical far-left anti-war activist during President George W. Bush’s administration (2001-2009), when the United States launched and carried out the Wars in Iraq and Afghanistan after the 9/11 Terrorist Attacks. 

SJW feminists also condemned Allen’s song, claiming the song is “sexist.”

“How dare Allen write a song about a woman wanting her husband home for Christmas, or even wanting him at all,” an SJW feminist told reporters. “He is reinforcing gender stereotypes and contributing to the ‘toxic masculinity’ patriarchy. Women don’t need a man in their lives or to fight for us.”

A reporter then asked the SJW feminist if she and other progressive feminists were willing to go fight terrorists in the Middle East or go to war for Syria, instead of having young men and women in the U.S. Military fight in combat.

“How dare you speak to me, you misogynistic bigot?” the SJW feminist said, avoiding the question altogether. “You’re oppressing me!”

Conservatives and Republicans quickly condemned the Democrats, SJW feminists and liberals for their hypocrisy. 

“Speaker Pelosi and the Democrats only stopped caring about bringing American troops home after Donald Trump became President in 2016,” House Rep. Matt Gaetz (R-FL) said. “If they really cared about our brave young men and women, they would praise President Trump for taking our troops out of war zones and not fight endless wars.” 

Allen released a statement following the progressive backlash against his song. 

“This song is about a military spouse wanting his or her spouse home for Christmas,” Allen said in the statement. “That’s what they really want this year. It’s about the true meaning of Christmas and family. Isn’t that a message worth preserving?”

At publishing time, singer John Legend wrote a politically-correct version of Allen’s song, where he actually wishes American soldiers always stay abroad and fight endless wars in the Middle East with no end in sight. 


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