(Parody) Adrian Monk lone San Francisco resident not worried about Coronavirus

[Disclaimer: This article is a parody story. While some events in this article are actually taking place, it is written for comedy purposes and shouldn’t be taken too seriously.] 

More states are opening up their economies as they ease back Coronavirus (Covid-19) restrictions.

Americans in their states have been pushing for state governments to reopen their economies so that citizens can get back to work and return to their normal lives before the Coronavirus had happened.

People either want to keep the United States in a permanent shutdown or open back up the country so that the U.S. economy can bounce back.

Yet one California resident isn’t afraid of Covid-19 weakening or flaring back up again. Mainly because he’s been avoiding germs zealously for over twenty years.

Adrian Monk, a private investigator and a former San Francisco Police detective, has developed a regimen to avoid any contact with microscopic germs — and any human contact with other people, for that matter.

Mr. Monk is proud of himself for avoiding everything he believes is full of germs.

“I always clean every surface before I touch it and have my assistant carry around wipes for me,” Monk said. “People thought I was crazy for worrying all the time and being afraid of germs. Well who’s laughing now?”

Mr. Monk has a variety of methods for avoiding germs and diseases like Covid-19. He keeps everything in a nearly “perfect” order, drinks only one particular brand of water (seriously, he almost died of thirst one time because he refused to drink anything but his special water brand), has a personal assistant who carries disinfectant wipes for him at all times, and uses his personal assistant to touch surfaces for him when needed.

“People can never be too careful when it comes to combating germs,” Monk said. “Most don’t even know all the dangers they encounter on a regular basis. There’s poison in the very air we breathe. And do you know what’s in the water that you drink?

“Seriously, it’s a jungle out there and no one seems to care,” Monk added. “But I do.”

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