(Parody) Joe Biden discusses his best friend, Tyler Durden

[Disclaimer: This article is a parody story. While some events in this article are actually taking place, it is written for comedy purposes and shouldn’t be taken too seriously.] 


There’s a reason Democrats want to keep Democrat Nominee Joe Biden holed up in his basement.

Biden made a rare appearance outside his Delaware basement to give a press conference on June 1, with a dozen reporters and cameramen in attendance.

It was his first public appearance in 89 days, since before the Coronavirus pandemic started.

Biden conducted a video chat interview with CNN’s Chris Cuomo yesterday to explain why he waited so long to show up in public again.

The Democrat nominee claims that his friend, Tyler Durden, came up with the plan to stay in his basement to conduct his campaign.

Biden explained that Durden’s campaign plan is 100 percent more effective at beating President Donald Trump than anything Biden could ever come up with.

“It was Tyler [Durden] who told me I should stay in my basement and not bother campaigning across the country,” Biden said. “He’s a great guy, best decision we ever made. Now Trump is the only one who has to worry about running this country or reaching out to the American people. I can just sit back at home and watch.”

Biden described Durden as everything Biden says he himself isn’t: competent, cunning, coherent, confident, young, good-looking, strong, likable and not a career politician.

Together, Biden and Durden created a secret group called the Deep State Club.

“First rule of Deep State Club is that you don’t talk about Deep State Club,” Biden said in a video interview from his Delaware basement. “The second rule is, you don’t talk about Deep State Club.”

Neither Cuomo, nor any of the liberal reporters at CNN or MSNBC pointed out that Biden was breaking the first and second rules of Deep State Club.

Biden hopes Durden can destroy President Donald Trump’s chances of winning reelection in November. He detailed Durden’s methodology in attacking President Trump over the last year.

“My buddy Tyler is a swell guy,” Biden says. “He is methodical and articulate. First he organized the impeachment investigation and trial against Trump through my own stupid favoritism to my son, Hunter. Never mind that I told Ukraine to, umm, fire the prosecutor going after my son or else they won’t get the billion. Then, when, uh, that news cycle ended, Tyler, umm, moved on to the next phase of the plan and, uh, brought the Covid-19 virus here from Not China, China is great, then he got hooked and uh orchestrated the riots and the uh protests against uh racism and stuff.

“Tyler has a plan for everything when it comes to attacking Trump,” Biden says. “Part of me wishes I was more like him. All I do is sit around here in my, uh, my uh . . . my my my . . . you know, the place where grown men and Millennials live with their parents.”

Biden Campaign aides quickly rushed to turn off Biden’s mic so that he wouldn’t make another mistake again.

“Please, Sir, you’re the man we want, the man we need to beat Trump,” the Biden aides said to Biden, hoping that Durden's plan works. 

One reporter dared question Biden’s logic following the Cuomo interview.

“Wait a minute,” the reporter said, “isn’t Tyler Durden the guy Brad Pitt plays in the movie, ‘Fight Club’?”

“No, no, Tyler Durden is real. How else do you explain all these things working against President Trump?” A Biden aide said to the reporter during the broadcast.

The reporter has since been fired from his job for “systemic racism” and “white privilege.”