(Parody) President Trump declares a national emergency in wake of polar vortex hitting the Midwest
[Disclaimer:
This article is a parody story. While some events in this article are actually
taking place, it is written for comedy purposes and shouldn’t be taken too
seriously.]
After weeks of speculation, President Donald Trump has finally done it. He’s declared a national emergency to deal with a crisis.
President Trump addressed the country form the Rose Garden saying that he has declared a national emergency to deal with the “humanitarian crisis” in the Midwest as a polar vortex hits the entire Midwest this week.
“This storm is a threat to the American people. Temperatures are so severe that you can freeze to death just by walking to your car,” President Trump said. “I ran for President on the platform to protect the lives and interests of the American people, and I am well within my rights as President of the United States by declaring a national emergency to deal with this crisis.”
Throughout this week, Strong wind-chills from the vortex caused temperatures to drop, ranging from single digits to -60 degrees throughout the Midwestern states – from the Dakotas to Ohio in the north, to as far south as Kansas and Missouri.
On Tuesday, January 29, Chicago experienced -55 degree weather.
President Trump stated that his declaration of a national emergency will secure the $5.7 billion he has sought for “disaster security,” saying that the funds will be used to build a “physical barrier” in places affected by the storm in order to protect neighborhoods, including the construction of bases for National Guard and U.S. military troops stationed throughout the Midwest dealing with the polar storm. The funds will also be used to increase the number of National Guard troops and to transport them into the areas affected by this polar vortex, along with new technology to track polar storms in the future.
“We are also going to use these funds to better safeguard our electric grid and power plants so that in the event of a power outage or EMP blast, we are able to get them back online within a few minutes, or protect them so that they stay on even in the event of an EMP blast,” a GOP congressman and Trump supporter said.
Democrats were quick to condemn the President for declaring a national emergency.
“This is an impeachable offense,” California Senator Kamala Harris (D) said. “Trump is racist for attacking winter storms head-on.”
Senator Harris then ranted against Catholic men, including young Catholic men, and the Knights of Columbus, saying “Catholic men aren’t fit for anything.”
The Knights of Columbus issued a statement condemning the anti-Catholic Harris and showed the group’s support for Catholic teaching and President Trump’s 2020 re-election campaign.
Harris and other Democrats vowed to sue President Trump if he declared a national emergency, a promise they made during the 35-day government shutdown that started last month. As soon as President Trump made his announcement, Nancy Pelosi aides filed a lawsuit with the liberal Ninth Circuit of Appeals Court, located in sunny skies San Francisco.
Even members of the Hate Trump Media claimed there was no crisis in the Midwest.
“This is a made-up crisis by Trump and conservatives,” a CNN anchor said during his broadcast. “Don’t believe what your eyes and other senses are telling you. It’s not cold at all.”
Ordinary Americans living in the Midwest continue to stay inside their homes and not go outside unless they have to – until the polar vortex is over.
After weeks of speculation, President Donald Trump has finally done it. He’s declared a national emergency to deal with a crisis.
President Trump addressed the country form the Rose Garden saying that he has declared a national emergency to deal with the “humanitarian crisis” in the Midwest as a polar vortex hits the entire Midwest this week.
“This storm is a threat to the American people. Temperatures are so severe that you can freeze to death just by walking to your car,” President Trump said. “I ran for President on the platform to protect the lives and interests of the American people, and I am well within my rights as President of the United States by declaring a national emergency to deal with this crisis.”
Throughout this week, Strong wind-chills from the vortex caused temperatures to drop, ranging from single digits to -60 degrees throughout the Midwestern states – from the Dakotas to Ohio in the north, to as far south as Kansas and Missouri.
On Tuesday, January 29, Chicago experienced -55 degree weather.
President Trump stated that his declaration of a national emergency will secure the $5.7 billion he has sought for “disaster security,” saying that the funds will be used to build a “physical barrier” in places affected by the storm in order to protect neighborhoods, including the construction of bases for National Guard and U.S. military troops stationed throughout the Midwest dealing with the polar storm. The funds will also be used to increase the number of National Guard troops and to transport them into the areas affected by this polar vortex, along with new technology to track polar storms in the future.
“We are also going to use these funds to better safeguard our electric grid and power plants so that in the event of a power outage or EMP blast, we are able to get them back online within a few minutes, or protect them so that they stay on even in the event of an EMP blast,” a GOP congressman and Trump supporter said.
Democrats were quick to condemn the President for declaring a national emergency.
“This is an impeachable offense,” California Senator Kamala Harris (D) said. “Trump is racist for attacking winter storms head-on.”
Senator Harris then ranted against Catholic men, including young Catholic men, and the Knights of Columbus, saying “Catholic men aren’t fit for anything.”
The Knights of Columbus issued a statement condemning the anti-Catholic Harris and showed the group’s support for Catholic teaching and President Trump’s 2020 re-election campaign.
Harris and other Democrats vowed to sue President Trump if he declared a national emergency, a promise they made during the 35-day government shutdown that started last month. As soon as President Trump made his announcement, Nancy Pelosi aides filed a lawsuit with the liberal Ninth Circuit of Appeals Court, located in sunny skies San Francisco.
Even members of the Hate Trump Media claimed there was no crisis in the Midwest.
“This is a made-up crisis by Trump and conservatives,” a CNN anchor said during his broadcast. “Don’t believe what your eyes and other senses are telling you. It’s not cold at all.”
Ordinary Americans living in the Midwest continue to stay inside their homes and not go outside unless they have to – until the polar vortex is over.
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