(Parody) Senate Democrats vote against bill to protect survivors of "Infinity War"


[Disclaimer: This article is a parody story. While some events in this article are actually taking place, it is written for comedy purposes and shouldn’t be taken too seriously.] 

Warning: Contains spoilers for Avengers: Infinity War.


Washington, D.C. — In an unsurprising move, Senate Democrats blocked a bill to protect American citizens who survived the Snap depicted in “Avengers: Infinity War.” 

The U.S. Senate voted 53-44 in favor of the Snap Survivors Protection Act on Monday, February 25. It was short of the 60 votes needed for a bill to pass in the Senate. 

The bill was co-sponsored by Republican Senators Bob Sasse of Nebraska and “Captain” Steve Rogers of New York. 

“We don’t trade lives,” Rogers said on the Senate Floor as he spoke in support of the bill. 

The Snap Survivors Protection Act would have prosecuted anyone who killed an American citizen post-Snap, including children who have just been born. It does not reverse the effects of the Snap itself because the Senate doesn’t have the Infinity Stones. 

In all, 50 Republican senators and three Democrats supporters the bill. All 44 Senators against it were Democrats. Three Senators were absent from voting.

Missouri Senator Peter “Star-Lord” Quill couldn’t attend the Senate vote because he himself was a victim of the Snap. California Senator Tony “Iron Man” Stark was listed as “missing in action” and Senator Wong was nowhere to be seen.

Doctor Stephen Strange was also called to give testimony during arguments in favor of the bill, but he, too, bit the dust. Literally. 

“We’re in the Endgame now,” Strange said in a Facebook Live video posted a few minutes before the Snap happened.

When asked if the Democrats can be saved from radical left-wing ideas if they voted against the bill, Strange added, “I’m sorry. There was no other way.” 




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