(Parody) Nicholas Angel of “Hot Fuzz” sent to clean up San Francisco
[Disclaimer: This article is a parody story.
While some events in this article are actually taking place, it is written for
comedy purposes and shouldn’t be taken too seriously.]
San Francisco has become a cesspool.
The extremist liberal city has become a haven of drugs and homelessness in the wake of its Socialist policies. It’s gotten so bad that crews of men wearing Hazmat suits are paid to go around and clean up drug needles and crud.
Literally.
The crisis in San Francisco has forced the liberal City Council members to seek aid across the Atlantic.
“We are pleased to announce that British Police Officer Nicholas Angel will be our chief liaison to fix our great and inclusive city,” the mayor of San Francisco said outside City Hall. “We believe he’s the right man for the job.”
Nicholas Angel has an extensive record of being the best of the best when it comes to British cops. He is an expert lawman who follows the law. He rose to international fame with the release of Edgar Wright’s film, “Hot Fuzz.”
Angel arrived down the Golden Gate Bridge into Downtown San Francisco towards City Hall. To the shock of onlookers and the liberal leaders of the city, he proceeded to fire multiple shotguns at the liberal City Council, who surprisingly were armed up to their teeth in high-end weaponry.
“Everywhere I looked there was lawlessness,” Angel said to reporters after the firefight. “Citizens forced to pay taxes to support homeless people pumping drugs into their bodies and record-high taxes to live in the area.
“Then you have the liberal leaders in the local government who care nothing about protecting San Franciscans from illegals,” Angel added. “It was clear to me that in order to save this city, I had to take out the mayor and City Council.”
Joined by his partner, Danny Butterman, Angel led a bloody rampage that cost tens of millions of dollars in property damage, including the City Hall building.
The two Brits also destroyed every pizza joint in San Francisco that served broccoli pizza and no pizza with meat or diary cheese.
“We heard about the terrible experience a young girl named Riley had with her mother at a San Fran pizza joint and we couldn’t let these people continue their war on pizza,” Butterman said.
(Riley is the girl at the center of the Disney-Pixar film, “Inside Out.”)
One highlight from the shootout was when Butterman shot a radical left-wing Catholic priest who said young conservative Catholics in America are evil because they support President Donald Trump and the Catholic Church’s positions on protecting unborn children and traditional marriage as a union between a man and a woman.
Another highlight featured Angel sending a Sea Lion to attack San Francisco’s corrupt liberal sheriff.
“That sheriff should consider himself lucky it wasn’t a swan,” Angel said, smiling.
The most memorable part of the fight was when Nancy Pelosi called Angel a “fascist” and then he shot her in the shoulder and called her a “hag.”
Miraculously, no one was killed throughout the firefight, despite an estimated 100,000 rounds of ammunition being fired total.
And that doesn’t include rocket launchers, grenade launchers or other types of hand-held weapons.
San Francisco has become a cesspool.
The extremist liberal city has become a haven of drugs and homelessness in the wake of its Socialist policies. It’s gotten so bad that crews of men wearing Hazmat suits are paid to go around and clean up drug needles and crud.
Literally.
The crisis in San Francisco has forced the liberal City Council members to seek aid across the Atlantic.
“We are pleased to announce that British Police Officer Nicholas Angel will be our chief liaison to fix our great and inclusive city,” the mayor of San Francisco said outside City Hall. “We believe he’s the right man for the job.”
Nicholas Angel has an extensive record of being the best of the best when it comes to British cops. He is an expert lawman who follows the law. He rose to international fame with the release of Edgar Wright’s film, “Hot Fuzz.”
Angel arrived down the Golden Gate Bridge into Downtown San Francisco towards City Hall. To the shock of onlookers and the liberal leaders of the city, he proceeded to fire multiple shotguns at the liberal City Council, who surprisingly were armed up to their teeth in high-end weaponry.
“Everywhere I looked there was lawlessness,” Angel said to reporters after the firefight. “Citizens forced to pay taxes to support homeless people pumping drugs into their bodies and record-high taxes to live in the area.
“Then you have the liberal leaders in the local government who care nothing about protecting San Franciscans from illegals,” Angel added. “It was clear to me that in order to save this city, I had to take out the mayor and City Council.”
Joined by his partner, Danny Butterman, Angel led a bloody rampage that cost tens of millions of dollars in property damage, including the City Hall building.
The two Brits also destroyed every pizza joint in San Francisco that served broccoli pizza and no pizza with meat or diary cheese.
“We heard about the terrible experience a young girl named Riley had with her mother at a San Fran pizza joint and we couldn’t let these people continue their war on pizza,” Butterman said.
(Riley is the girl at the center of the Disney-Pixar film, “Inside Out.”)
One highlight from the shootout was when Butterman shot a radical left-wing Catholic priest who said young conservative Catholics in America are evil because they support President Donald Trump and the Catholic Church’s positions on protecting unborn children and traditional marriage as a union between a man and a woman.
Another highlight featured Angel sending a Sea Lion to attack San Francisco’s corrupt liberal sheriff.
“That sheriff should consider himself lucky it wasn’t a swan,” Angel said, smiling.
The most memorable part of the fight was when Nancy Pelosi called Angel a “fascist” and then he shot her in the shoulder and called her a “hag.”
Miraculously, no one was killed throughout the firefight, despite an estimated 100,000 rounds of ammunition being fired total.
And that doesn’t include rocket launchers, grenade launchers or other types of hand-held weapons.
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