(Parody) Senator Jon Tester comes out as Eden’s Gate member


[Disclaimer: This article is a parody story. While some events in this article are actually taking place, it is written for comedy purposes and shouldn’t be taken too seriously.] 


In an effort to appear as morally righteous as possible, Montana Senator Jon Tester (Democrat) announced he’s a leader of Eden’s Gate.

“The people of Montana elected me to be as truthful as possible with them, and I couldn’t keep this news away from them,” Tester said surrounded by Democrat colleagues who nodded like robots. 

Eden’s Gate is a doomsday cult led by the fanatical Joseph Seed. They were the main antagonists in the popular “Far Cry 5” video game.

Some of Tester’s Senate Democrat colleagues tried backtracking his statement, pointing out the fact that “Far Cry 5” is a video game and that Eden’s Gate isn’t a real cult. 

“No, no, it’s true. Eden’s Gate is real and anyone who says differently is evil,” Tester said. "The people of Montana voted for me to tell the truth even if it sounds ridiculous."

Tester became a household name, and earned his fifteen seconds of fame, by destroying the life of Admiral Ronny Jackson in April 2018. 

Jackson was President Donald Trump’s personal doctor at the time of the baseless allegations made by Tester after Trump nominated Jackson as the head of Veterans Affairs. 

Jackson withdrew his nomination after Tester claimed Jackson crashed a car while drunk and gave sleeping drugs to White House staff during flights, even though it is common practice for doctors to help patients sleep when adjusting to different time zones by prescribing sleeping pills. His name is still tarnished to this day. 

Tester said he has no plans of resigning even though he claims he’s a member of a dangerous cult that terrorizes Montana citizens. 

President Trump was quick to point out Tester’s idiocy. “Lying Jon Tester can’t tell the difference between a video game and real life,” Trump tweeted. “He’s wrong for the Senate and wrong for the great state of Montana.”

Unfortunately for Montana voters, they have to put up with Tester’s lies and stupidity for at least another four to six years until he’s up for re-election again. 


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