(Parody) Redacted Mueller Report shows Mueller targeted Trump over Washington Capitals’ Stanley Cup win


[Disclaimer: This article is a parody story. While some events in this article are actually taking place, it is written for comedy purposes and shouldn’t be taken too seriously.] 


It’s here: Robert Mueller’s report showed no collusion between the Trump campaign and Russia during the 2016 Presidential Election. 

Both sides dug in on where they stand for or against Trump, but one thing in the redacted report surprised both parties.

Bob Mueller repeatedly sought an interview with President Trump over Alex Ovechkin, popular hockey player with the NHL’s Washington Capitals.

“At first Mueller suspected Trump colluded with the Russian government to win the [2016 Presidential] election, but after a year and a half of finding no evidence of election meddling from his campaign, our focus shifted to collusion with the Capitals organization,” the Mueller Investigation Report read. “This led Mueller’s team to conclude that Trump had actually colluded to make sure the Washington Capitals won the 2018 Stanley Cup over the Vegas Golden Knights.” 

In fact, nearly 50 pages of Mueller’s report detail the Special Counsel’s efforts to incriminate Trump over the Washington Capitals during the 2017-2018 season. 

“Our investigation began after the NHL prevented its players from playing for their Home countries in the 2018 Winter Olympics in South Korea,” the Mueller Report continued. “There was a clear bias among our team that this was a decision made by Trump to make sure Ovechkin and his teammates was healthy enough for the Caps.

“We felt strongly there had to be collusion because the Capitals has never won the Stanley Cup before 2018,” the report added. “The fact that the Capitals won it that year after losing in the playoffs repeatedly to the Pittsburgh Penguins surely must have been the result of Trump-Capitals ‘collusion.’” 

Overall, the Mueller investigators concluded that they could find no real evidence that Trump colluded with Ovechkin or the Capitals, let alone enough for impeachment. They were then forced to conclude that Ovechkin and the Washington Capitals won the 2018 Stanley Cup by skill, luck and determination.

House and Senate Democrats were furious with Mueller’s findings and renewed their determination to impeach Trump and undermine the 2018 Stanley Cup Playoffs. 

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