(Parody) Pros and Cons of 2020 Democrats


[Disclaimer: This article is a parody story. While some events in this article are actually taking place, it is written for comedy purposes and shouldn’t be taken too seriously.] 


With 2019 underway, it seems like everyday there’s a new Democrat running for president.

It’s important to keep track of them. Here’s a list of 2020 Democrat candidates, along with their pros and cons.


Sen. Elizabeth Warren
Pro: She’d be the first Native American president.
Con: She pretended to be Native American so she could get a job at an elitist Ivy League college. She also was condemned by the Cherokee Nation. 


Kathleen Kennedy
Pro: Woman in authority.
Con: Ruined Star Wars for all real Star Wars fans.


The Duffer Brothers
Pro: Created Stranger Things.
Con: Facing a plagiarism lawsuit for stealing the idea for Strangers Things. 


Mayor Pete Buttigieg 
Pro: Replaced Beto O’Rourke as the left-wing media darling. 
Con: No one can say his last name correctly. 


James Comey 
Pro: He’s really tall. 
Con: He thinks he’s morally superior to everyone and that the rules don’t apply to him. 


Sen. Bernie Sanders:
Pro: Convinced half of young adult Americans that socialism is awesome. 
Con: Convinced half of young adult Americans that socialism is awesome. 


Joe Biden:
Pro: Served eight years as vice president. 
Con: Ignored that part about Catholic Church teaching that says abortion is evil because it kills unborn children. 


Negan (from The Walking Dead)
Pro: Supports radical gun control.
Con: Favors a totalitarian system of government where ordinary people lose half of everything they have. 


Jim Acosta
Pro: Avid Trump-hater.
Con: He doesn’t know how to smile and he didn’t let a woman do her job and take the mic from him. 


Loki
Pro: Charming smile and personality.
Con: Led an alien invasion of New York City. 


Sen. Kamala Harris (D-California) 
Pro: She’s a woman.
Con: She’s an anti-Catholic woman.


LeBron James
Pro: He hates President Trump.
Con: He couldn’t beat the Golden State Warriors three out of four times.


Beto O’Rourke
Pro: Radical Socialist. 
Con: He hates his given Irish name, Robert Francis, and he couldn’t draw a bigger crowd in his hometown of El Paso than President Trump could at his MAGA rally in El Paso. 


Ron Swanson (from Parks and Recreation)
Pro: Libertarian, only Democrat Candidate closest to the center.
Con: First act as President is to abolish the IRS and the Democrat Party, fire every activist judge, give power on every issue back to the States and make income taxes illegal.


Jimmy Fallon
Pro: Makes fun of Trump on his “comedy” show.
Con: Refused to condemn Trump as “evil.” 


Lori Loughlin
Pro: Played the likable and relatable Aunt Becky on Full House. 
Con: Indicted and potentially facing jail time for her part in the college admissions corruption scandal. 


Sen. Cory Booker
Pro: Considers himself a moral fighter for all women. 
Con: Just not the women he bragged about physically abusing in high school. 


Jimmy Kimmel
Pro: He hates Trump. 
Con: He isn’t funny and he’s preachy.


The Governor (from The Walking Dead)
Pro: Charming personality.
Con: Prone to anger and will destroy anyone who stands in the way of his Socialist utopia.


George Clooney
Pro: Looks good with gray hair.
Con: He ruined Batman for all of us.


Bob Iger
Pro: Extreme liberal outsider.
Con: He’d have to give up control of the Disney Empire if he wins.


Hela (from Thor: Ragnarok)
Pro: She’s a woman in power. 
Con: She used that power to establish a dictatorship on her home world. 


Hillary Clinton
Pro: You knew this was coming.
Con: She’s still convinced she lost in 2016 because she believes conservatives in America are a basket of “deplorables,” racists and sexists. You know, instead of admitting she’s just a terrible person and that she hates everyday Americans. 


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