(Parody) Scientists prove that whatever opinion you have about “Star Wars” is true


[Disclaimer: This article is a parody story. While some events in this article are actually taking place, it is written for comedy purposes and shouldn’t be taken too seriously.] 


With “The Rise of Skywalker” coming out in December, Disney wraps up the controversial “Sequel Trilogy.”

Scientists, hoping to better understand what the future holds for “Star Wars,” interviewed dozens of people involved in Star Wars — from fans, to film production assistants to executives and filmmakers at LucasFilm and Disney. 

They discovered that whatever opinion fans have about Star Wars is true, regardless of political or personal beliefs.

“We really wanted to agree with everyone, so we didn’t disagree with anyone’s opinion during the studying process,” a spokesman for the scientists said. “If you think Disney just copied ‘A New Hope’ for ‘The Force Awakens,’ that is true.  If you believe or don’t believe that Star Wars Legends (Star Wars Expanded Universe) is still the official Star Wars Canon, that is also true.”

“If you think the ‘Original Trilogy’ is the best in the franchise, that is true,” a scientist on the team said after taking the microphone from the spokesman. “If you think the ‘Sequel Trilogy’ is the best Trilogy, well that also is true. If you like or hate the Star Wars Galaxy’s Edge theme park, that opinion is true. 

“If you think that ‘The Last Jedi’ is the worst Star Wars film and that LucasFilm doesn’t respect the original characters and the original story created by George Lucas (in the Original Trilogy), that is also true,” he continued. “If you think everyone who criticizes ‘The Last Jedi’ is a sexist man-baby, that’s true, too. And if you think Kathleen Kennedy and her cronies hate Star Wars fans and have sacrificed good storytelling in order to pander to SJWs, that is true.”

The scientists are satisfied with their results and believe they are appealing to all “Star Wars” fans alike.

At publishing time, the researchers have now begun their study into audiences’ reactions to Disney’s original animated films and their new live-action remakes. 


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