(Parody) Jordan Peele to direct “Scream 5”


[Disclaimer: This article is a parody story. While some events in this article are actually taking place, it is written for comedy purposes and shouldn’t be taken too seriously.] 


Jordan Peele, one of the two leads in Comedy Central’s “Kay and Peele” TV show, is directing “Scream 5.” It is the latest installment in the “Scream” franchise.

A short-lived “Scream” TV show centered around a new killer and new characters unrelated to the films.

This will be Peele’s third time directing a horror film. His previous films were “Get Out” and “Us.”

“Horror has changed since ‘Scream 4’ was released,” a Producer for the film said at a press conference. “Now, with the contributions Peele has made in horror, it’s all about being serious and meta. We’re confident in Peele’s ability to get this franchise back on track."

Peele, on his official Twitter page, went over a few plot details of the new “Scream” film—including a cameo of himself and business partner, Keegan-Michael Key. 

“At the beginning of ‘Scream 5,’ Key and I are walking out of a movie theater and discuss several issues related to horror and movies in general—from ridiculous ticket prices stopping most people from putting butts in seats, to how racist it is that black men always die in horror movies,” Peele tweeted. “Then we realized that liberal Hollywood producers are the ones who created that stereotype in horror movies, so we‘re actually calling Hollywood racist and laugh about that.”  

Peele then explained that Ghostface comes out of hiding and stabs him and Key, killing them within the first five minutes of the film. 

“Ghostface stabs me, Key’s running away, and then Ghostface chucks the knife into his back like a tomahawk,” Peele said in the tweet. “I mean, seriously. This dude’s got a knife. Why wouldn’t he throw it at someone instead of chasing them? It makes perfect sense and would save him some energy.” 

Peele then apologized for using the word “tomahawk,” as liberals view it as racist against Native Americans. 

At publishing time, “Scream 5” will be released in 2021, ten years after the last film in the franchise. 



Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Movie Review: The 5th Wave as Anti-Military propaganda

This article was originally published on June 9, 2017. Normally a story that involves humans fighting seemingly invincible aliens warrants a good story. You'd also think the military would be there to protect Americans. But before long, it becomes clear to the protagonists in “The 5th Wave (2016)” that Americans should resist the military, that the soldiers are the real enemy to humanity. "The 5th Wave," based on the Rick Yancey novel of the same name, follows a long line of Hollywood's assaults on the honor and integers of the brave men and women who fight for their country. Unfortunately, most of Hollywood hasn't limited their attacks to five. The film centers around a young girl who sets out to find her brother after their father is killed in a massacre carried out by military forces. Right after the parents do the natural thing and resist being separated from their children forever. This is the director's way of telli...
Read more

Life and Persecution: Some so-called Catholics that should be excommunicated

(This article was originally published on January 20, 2018) The Roman Catholic Church has seen its share of good and bad times. Yet the Catholic Church has survived for over 2,000 years, from the persecution by the Roman Empire to the rise and fall of Communism.  Yesterday, January 19, young Catholic men and women across the United States joined tens of thousands of other young adults in the 45th March for Life. Even those who were unable to march continue to support the pro-life cause and live their Catholic faith everyday of their lives. All of these men and women—Catholics, Christians, and non-Christians alike—showed our country that there are plenty of Millennials stand up for the unborn and want to end legalized abortion in the United States. Catholics should be proud of their heritage as Catholics and to call themselves Catholic. They are part of the majority of lay people who really do their best to live and practice their Catholic faith. But ...
Read more

Local Kansas City parish hosts annual Marian Conference

In “33 Days to Morning Glory,” Father Michael E. Gaitley talks about how Mother Mary wants people to come closer to her son, Jesus, through her. Now, Mother Mary calls us to enter a deeper relationship with her son through the Marian Conference IV of Greater Kansas City. The conference runs from June 22-23 at St. Thomas More Parish, located at 11822 Holmes Rd., Kansas City, MO.  It is the fourth annual Marian conference organized by the volunteers of the Marian Association.  In previous years, the conference was held at St. John Lalond in Blue Springs, MO; Our Lady of Lourdes in Raytown, MO; and St. Robert Bellarmine Church in Blue Springs, MO.   Registration for the conference is free.  Last year’s conference, hosted by St. Robert Bellermine Catholic Church in Blue Springs, MO, received over 400 people in attendance. Julie and Tom Cummings, Promotions Fund Raising Coordinators, expect over 700 people from Kansas a...
Read more