(Parody) Sylvester Stallone announces “Demolition Man” remake
[Disclaimer:
This article is a parody story. While some events in this article are actually
taking place, it is written for comedy purposes and shouldn’t be taken too
seriously.]
Hollywood has run out of ideas.
That’s what a lot of people think when it comes to the film industry.
As Hollywood studios launch reboots and “life-action” remakes of original films in order to make (steal) money from hard-working, it’s clear Hollywood doesn’t respect the story of the original classics the remakes are based on.
The Italian Stallion himself hopes to fix that.
Enter Sylvester Stallone — who is best known for his roles as Rocky Balboa and John Rambo.
Stallone announced his latest film project after the latest “Rambo” sequel at San Diego Comic-Con 2019: a remake of his 1990s cult classic “Demolition Man.”
“The original film was basically the ‘90s version of what a politically correct society would look like,” Stallone said to the crowd. “We need an updated 2019 version to better reflect the dangers of the loony left and politically correct SJWs.”
Details on the “Demolition Man” film are still unknown, but it’s going to be set in a Socialist version of the United States, where the left rules through a majority population of illegal immigrants, activist judges and a police-state mentality.
“In this movie world, red hats are illegal because they remind people of Trump and MAGA, and if you wear anything deemed pro-Trump or pro-American, you risk being beaten up or thrown in prison,” Stallone said. “This is the world my character gets thrown into after waking up twenty years in the future.”
Stallone made it clear that he’s returning to the role of John Spartan, who he played in the original film. He said that in the film, Spartan tries to restore the United States and make America free again by rallying conservative Americans against the Socialists.
“And you can bet we’re gonna have some ‘Halo’ references in this movie because I’m playing a super-soldier named ‘Spartan’ who’s a chief or something,” Stallone added.
Stallone then explained some plot lines of the new “Demolition Man,” which ignores the events of the original film.
“There’s a scene where the main antagonist faces a group of cops, only these aren’t cops; they’re Antifa thugs because this PC society got rid of cops,” Stallone said. “Needless to say, audiences are gonna see that these domestic terrorists, for all their violence and intimidation, are no match against a guy with a gun — doesn’t matter if it’s a good or bad guy.”
Stallone also stated that the leader of the politically correct dystopian society is an old white guy who looks, talks, and acts like Bernie Sanders.
“Demolition Man (2022)” is expected to hit theaters in 2022, a year into President Trump’s second term.
At publishing time, actor Mahershala Ali is expected to take over Wesley Snipes‘ role as the main antagonist—just as he is doing with the MCU’s upcoming “Blade” film.
Hollywood has run out of ideas.
That’s what a lot of people think when it comes to the film industry.
As Hollywood studios launch reboots and “life-action” remakes of original films in order to make (steal) money from hard-working, it’s clear Hollywood doesn’t respect the story of the original classics the remakes are based on.
The Italian Stallion himself hopes to fix that.
Enter Sylvester Stallone — who is best known for his roles as Rocky Balboa and John Rambo.
Stallone announced his latest film project after the latest “Rambo” sequel at San Diego Comic-Con 2019: a remake of his 1990s cult classic “Demolition Man.”
“The original film was basically the ‘90s version of what a politically correct society would look like,” Stallone said to the crowd. “We need an updated 2019 version to better reflect the dangers of the loony left and politically correct SJWs.”
Details on the “Demolition Man” film are still unknown, but it’s going to be set in a Socialist version of the United States, where the left rules through a majority population of illegal immigrants, activist judges and a police-state mentality.
“In this movie world, red hats are illegal because they remind people of Trump and MAGA, and if you wear anything deemed pro-Trump or pro-American, you risk being beaten up or thrown in prison,” Stallone said. “This is the world my character gets thrown into after waking up twenty years in the future.”
Stallone made it clear that he’s returning to the role of John Spartan, who he played in the original film. He said that in the film, Spartan tries to restore the United States and make America free again by rallying conservative Americans against the Socialists.
“And you can bet we’re gonna have some ‘Halo’ references in this movie because I’m playing a super-soldier named ‘Spartan’ who’s a chief or something,” Stallone added.
Stallone then explained some plot lines of the new “Demolition Man,” which ignores the events of the original film.
“There’s a scene where the main antagonist faces a group of cops, only these aren’t cops; they’re Antifa thugs because this PC society got rid of cops,” Stallone said. “Needless to say, audiences are gonna see that these domestic terrorists, for all their violence and intimidation, are no match against a guy with a gun — doesn’t matter if it’s a good or bad guy.”
Stallone also stated that the leader of the politically correct dystopian society is an old white guy who looks, talks, and acts like Bernie Sanders.
“Demolition Man (2022)” is expected to hit theaters in 2022, a year into President Trump’s second term.
At publishing time, actor Mahershala Ali is expected to take over Wesley Snipes‘ role as the main antagonist—just as he is doing with the MCU’s upcoming “Blade” film.
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