(Parody) Congress ends in a fight, hundreds arrested, police say

[Disclaimer: This article is a parody story. While some events in this article are actually taking place, it is written for comedy purposes and shouldn’t be taken too seriously.] 

it is unclear who started the fight.

Democrats say it was a Republican.

Republicans say it was a Socialist Democrat.

The result was the same: brawls erupting inside Congress.

Hoping to encourage bipartisan “team-building exercises,” House Speaker Nancy Pelosi had everyone in congress watch “Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End.”

“We can learn a lot about modern politics by watching the third ‘Pirates’ movie,” Pelosi said.

During the movie, the Pirate leaders—called the Brethren Court—started fighting each other over a political disagreement.

Members of Congress followed the movie example (literally) and started a brawl that consumed the Legislative branch.

“We’re just expressing how we really feel about people who hold different political views,” one congressmember said, who refused to identify as conservative or liberal.

At one point in the fight, Texas Rep. Dan Crenshaw found himself against Democrat Representatives AOC, Tliab and Omar. He was able to easily beat the “Squad.”

The defeated freshmen Socialist Democrats said it wasn’t a fair fight, even though they outnumbered Crenshaw three-to-one and Democrats have a majority in the House.

The battle looked like the Republicans were winning. Democrats Nancy Pelosi, Jerry Nadler, Elijah Cummings and Adam Schiff were all beaten up by their younger GOP counterparts. Democrat Rep. “Crazy” Maxine Waters found herself on the floor as Texas GOP Rep. Chip Roy

“What’s that expression, Maxine: ‘When they’re down, you kick them’? ‘You harass them in public places’?” Roy said as he punched Waters like an MMA fighter after locking his legs around her torso, a callback to Waters’ blatant bigotry against Trump and Trump supporters (in which Waters called for violence against them).

The entire department of the U.S. Capitol Police were rushed to the Capitol Building to end the disruption, which resulted in every member of Congress being arrested for civil unrest and battery assault.

“This is madness!” one police officer said during the altercation.

“Just another day in Washington,” another officer told him.

It was the first time the whole Legislative branch of the U.S. government was charged with a crime.

At publishing time, the lawmakers were released without bail and back fighting each other in the halls of Congress when it comes to policy.