(Parody) Narnians declare Elizabeth Warren the winner of Democratic debate, give her honorary title “White Witch”


[Disclaimer: This article is a parody story. While some events in this article are actually taking place, it is written for comedy purposes and shouldn’t be taken too seriously.] 


The third 2019 Democratic Primary Debate saw a lot of highlights as the last ten Democrats running against President Trump took the stage Thursday night.

Julian Castro said Joe Biden is too old to run for President, questioning Biden’s fitness to run.

Biden forgot where he was and started talking about his days bringing the Ten Deadly Plagues to Egypt and freeing the Jews.

Sen. Bernie Sander once again solidify himself as a radical left-wing Socialist who hates the United States.

And Robeto O’Rourke made it clear he’s going to take away the guns and AR-15s of law-abiding Americans by force.

But the real winners of the debate were Donald Trump and the American people, as Sen. Elizabeth Warren stood before her true followers — the evil forces oppressing Narnia.

ABC broadcasted the debate live from Houston, but at the insistence of the Socialist Warren, ABC transported the people of Narnia through a Wardrobe.

“The Narnians are a proud race and must be honored above the American people,” Warren said.

Thousands of evil creatures inhabiting Narnia arrived and filled the stands at the debate – minotaurs, giants, dwarves, hags, wolves, werewolves, specters, trees and other evil creatures.

“Make way for Elizabeth, the Queen of Narn— I mean, the Queen of America!” a dwarf shouted as he walked in front of Warren.

“Warren is our master!” bellowed a minotaur behind the debate moderators.

“Tonight, the Deep Magic shall be appeased. But tomorrow, we will take America forever!” Warren said from her podium atop the Stone Table.

The Narnian crowd roared with praise as Warren spoke, addressing them. They declared Warren as their leader, calling her “The White Witch.”

Several times during the debate, Warren had to ask the Narnian audience members of to stop calling her by that name.

“I find your actions very offensive,” Warren said as she put on an Indian headdress, smoked a peace pipe and declared she’s the first Native American to ever teach at Harvard.

The Massachusetts Senator’s attitude softened as the evil Narnians gave her their support and promised to bring one hundred years of winter to the United States.

Warren ended the debate by plunging a knife into a stuffed lion toy with Donald Trump’s face on it, much to the joy of the roaring crowd.

Aslan the Lion then appeared onstage and condemned Warren.

“If the Witch knew the true meaning of sacrifice, she might have interpreted the deep magic differently,” the Great Lion said, addressing the American people.

“Warren’s actions and policies – and those of her fellow Democrat candidates – will only drive more Americans and conservatives to become Trump voters and gun owners,” he added, smiling with happiness.

At publishing time, Warren threatened to turn everyone who doesn’t vote for her into stone.

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