(Parody) Dinosaur-rights activists demand refugee status for Blue the Raptor and other dinosaurs


[Disclaimer: This article is a parody story. While some events in this article are actually taking place, it is written for comedy purposes and shouldn’t be taken too seriously.] 

Warning: Spoiler alert for “Jurassic World” and “Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom.”


Dinosaurs are people, too.

That’s the argument made by dino-rights activists.

In the wake of the minor dinosaur infestation across the Western United States – numbering around two dozen dinosaurs at most (mostly herbivores) – the activists demand that the dinosaurs taken from Isla Nublar be given refugee status, including a blue-stripped female velociraptor named Blue.

“These dinosaurs are intelligent creatures and they deserve the same rights and protections we Americans have,” activist Claire Dearing said. “It doesn’t matter that these same dinosaurs tried eating me twice now.”

Dearing was the former operations manager of Jurassic World during the Indominus Rex Incident in 2015.

The dinosaurs, which had escaped from the Lockwood Estate last year after being abducted when a volcano erupted on Isla Nublar, have all been captured and transported to a detention facility on an island off the California coast.

President Donald Trump has sent an additional 5,000 U.S. troops to California to safely contain the dinos, continuing to take an active stance to deal with the situation.

“Congress, the Pentagon and Universal Studios told me it would take at least two years to catch all the dinosaurs that had escaped,” Trump said. “I did it in a month thanks to our brave men and women. And we’re going to keep the dinosaurs there.”

Trump has staunchly defended his administration’s handling of the dino crisis threatening the United States.

“We got some bad dinos in this bunch,” Trump told reporters outside the White House. “They have no problems with eating people or causing infrastructure damage.”

Democrats blamed Trump for the Dino immigration crisis and as a result they have called for his impeachment.

“It was John Hammond and InGen who started this dinosaur crisis long before I became president,” Trump said, blasting the anti-Trump Democrats. “And we Americans are the ones dealing with those consequences. Why couldn’t he just create a flock of condors on his island instead of cloning dinosaurs?”

Dinosaur experts agreed with Trump.

“Taking dinosaurs off that island is the worst idea in the history of worst ideas, and I’m gonna be there when you figure that out,” Dr. Ian Malcolm told Democrats on the House Intelligence Committee during a hearing on the dinosaurs.

“Dinosaurs lived 65 million years ago,” Dr. Alan Grant told the House Committee. “What’s left of them is in the rocks. What John Hammond and InGen did at Jurassic Park was create genetically-engineered theme park monsters. Nothing more and nothing less.

“The Mosrani Corporation followed in John Hammond’s steps by creating hybrids that ran around and ate people at Jurassic World,” Grant added.

Democrat Congressman Adam Schiff (D-CA) dismissed the dinosaur experts’ opinions, even asking Dr. Ellie Sattler during her testimony if she even remembers what a velociraptor sounds like.

“I really try not to,” Sattler told Schiff.

At publishing time, Sattler stated that Schiff couldn’t know what she’s going through until he gets trapped on an island with dinosaurs on it and has to run for his life.



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