(Parody) In order to appeal to young people, the “Squad” endorses an old male Socialist for President


[Disclaimer: This article is a parody story. While some events in this article are actually taking place, it is written for comedy purposes and shouldn’t be taken too seriously.] 


It’s official. The far-left “Squad” of young Socialist Democrats will endorse Sen. Bernie Sanders’ candidacy for the Democrat nomination in the 2020 Presidential Election.

This news comes after the Fourth Democrat Presidential Debate on Tuesday, Oct. 15.

The “Squad,” as they are known — made up of Reps. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez (AOC), Ilhan Omar and Rashida Tlaib — are expected to make the announcement officially sometime soon.

“We really wanted to appeal to young American voters, so we choose an old guy who hates America and wants to turn America into a Socialist country,” AOC told the press.

Sanders believes he appeals to young Americans.

“Why would people say I can’t appeal to young Americans because I’m old and a Socialist?” Sanders told reporters. “I can totally relate to them. I’m hip. Did you check out Beyoncé’s latest hits? And Britney Spears? Justin Bieber? Great stuff.”

Sanders’ Democrat rivals blasted the Squad’s decision.

“AOC and her colleagues are sexists and misogynists,” Sen. Elizabeth Warren said angrily. “They won’t endorse me because I’m a woman. I’m just as radical as Bernie.”

“Why won’t Ocasio-Cortez or Omar support me?” Mayor Pete Buttigieg told reporters. “Is it because I’m gay? It’s because I’m gay, isn’t it?”

“Clearly, they feel threatened by me because, uh, I identify as a Mexican,” Beto O’Rourke said. “Seriously, who’s this Robert Francis guy? Only Beto here.”

“I guess I should have offered them $2,000 a day if they endorsed me,” Andrew Yang said, who only stays relevant in the Democratic race because he promises to “give” $1,000 to every American on a regular basis.

Yang refused to discuss his plan for how he was gonna give people the money.

President Donald Trump called out the Squad on his Twitter account.

“Yes, nothing says we care about young people and their interests than endorsing a crazy old man who hates America,” Trump said. “Never mind the fact that I’ve made sure young men and women in this country have more opportunities for jobs, strengthened our economy, and not send them off to fight in new foreign wars in the Middle East.”

At publishing time, young conservative Americans still support Trump.


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