(Parody) Politicians volunteer to go on frontlines in the next endless war America fights


[Disclaimer: This article is a parody story. While some events in this article are actually taking place, it is written for comedy purposes and shouldn’t be taken too seriously.] 


Democrats and RINOs (Republican in name only) like bashing President Donald Trump.

Recently, they accused Trump of being anti-American for withdrawing American troops from Syria and “abandoning” the Kurds against Turkey.

“President Trump is immoral,” Democrat House Speaker Nancy Pelosi said. “He’s concerned with keeping Americans safe and not sending our young men and women to fight in foreign wars, especially new wars in the Middle East.


“Of course I won’t send my own children and grandkids to fight in a war,” Pelosi added. “But definitely send Conservative young men and women.”


But surprise, most Americans don’t want to fight another war. It’s why they elected Trump in the first place — because Trump promised not to get America involved in more wars.

Instead, Trump has kept his campaign promise and focuses on attacking countries economically, resorting to military action only when there’s no other choice.

It’s a far cry from decades of Presidents sending troops to fight in foreign countries to protect foreign people and not American citizens, and then stay there for decades with no plan to end the conflict and bring U.S. troops home.

Realizing they’d have trouble getting young Americans to find endless wars, these politicians decided to follow by example and volunteer to fight the next endless war in the Middle East (or anywhere else where there’s a fight).

“Everyday Conservatives like to say we aren’t willing to make sacrifices to protect America and fight in the wars our brave troops are fighting in,” Senate Minority Leader Chuck Schumer (D-NY) said. “Well, we’re show them and Donald Trump. I’ll gladly fight in the frontlines in the next war we fight.

“I know my fellow Democrats and plenty of Republicans will follow in my footsteps,” Schumer added.

(To be clear, those “Republicans” Schumer is talking about aren’t real Republicans and Trump supporters. He’s talking about people like Mitt Romney.)

Several senior U.S. Military leaders shared the sentiment of Schumer and these politicians.

“Sure, I’ll gladly leave my cushy office here at the Pentagon and go to the sandy desserts of Northern Syria to protect Kurds and fight against our NATO ally, Turkey,” a military general said, who refused to identify himself because he didn’t want Trump to say anything bad about him. 

Ordinary Americans and U.S. troops are skeptical about the politicians and military leaders keeping their word.

“I’ll believe it when I see it,” a 24-year-old young man in a MAGA hat said. “If there’s another war and the Selective Service System is initiated, it’s gonna be young men and women like me who are gonna be conscripted to fight.”

“Right,” a young man in Army fatigues said. “President Trump actually cares about guys like me. He’s actually focused on getting us back hole to protect our country, instead of being boggled down in another war with no clear end in sight.”

Several other ordinary soldiers spoke up against the politicians and military leaders bashing Trump. They spoke on condition of anonymity because he didn’t want to get thrown into the brig and be attacked by corrupt Navy lawyers like those who attacked and persecuted Navy SEAL Eric Gallagher.

At publishing time, and much to no one’s surprise, Democrats and RINOs broke their promise to fight, stating that their place is in Washington, D.C. so that they can “resist” Trump. 

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