(Parody) Walter the Puppet joins Democratic Race for President


[Disclaimer: This article is a parody story. While some events in this article are actually taking place, it is written for comedy purposes and shouldn’t be taken too seriously.] 


A number of celebrities avoided running for President in the 2020 Presidential Election.

Most notably, Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson is absent from the list of Final Ten Democrats running for President.

One famous celebrity has become a last-minute Democrat candidate.

Walter, who is part of an entourage of dolls in comedian Jeff Dunham’s stand-up comedy specials, announced his decision to run for President.

“I felt right at home with the Democrats running for President in this election cycle,” Walter said to the crowd at Dunham’s latest show. “They’re just as miserable as I am.”

Dunham then questioned Walter, asking him why he’s running for President.

“I don’t know, I’m bored. Besides, I’m more popular than those sour old dogs and dumb youngsters, so I should be running,” Walter said, referring to Sens. Bernie Sanders and Elizabeth Warren, and Beto O’Rourke and Pete Buttigieg.

“Aren’t you concerned your opponents will say you can’t run this country because you’re a puppet?” Dunham asked Walter on stage.

“Well, they have a crazy Mother Earth worshiper running as a Democrat, so why not a talking puppet?” Walter said in annoyance, a direct reference to Marianne Williamson, who for some reason still thinks she can win the Democratic nomination. “Heck, Williamson is probably casting spells on her political rivals and Donald Trump as we speak.”

“Are you a Democrat?” Dunham asked.

“Does it matter? Bernie Sanders is a Socialist and he’s running as a Democrat,” Walter said, snapping at Dunham. 

“Okay, Walter, what are your qualifications for running for President?” Dunham said.

“I have a better memory than Joe Biden does and I know what century it is,” Walter said. “I figure the Democrats won’t mind having another dummy join their primary race.”

Walter also stated he is consistent in his views on issues because he’s always miserable and will never change his ways.

President Donald Trump welcomed Walter to the race and says he looks forward to facing off against the grouchy old puppet.

“Walter’s wooden,” Trump said. “His policies and plans are hollow. I’ll tear right through them with my winning track record.”


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