(Parody) Hollywood Production Companies turn classic TV shows into horror movies


[Disclaimer: This article is a parody story. While some events in this article are actually taking place, it is written for comedy purposes and shouldn’t be taken too seriously.] 


Filmmakers are going after your childhood and nostalgia.

That’s why Hollywood is making horror remakes of famous TV shows.

Beginning with SyFy’s "The Banana Splits Movie (2019)” and Blumhouse’s “Fantasy Island (2020),” film production companies in Hollywood are buying properties known as wholesome and family-friendly entertainment and turning them into horror movies.

“Blumhouse got the jump on us by picking up ‘Fantasy Island,’ but there’s plenty of opportunities to take audiences’ nostalgia and turn it into a dark horror movie,” a Warner Brothers spokesman said. “We just have to look through shows since the 1940s and see which ones we want to turn into horror films.”

“All we gotta do is take an iconic TV show from peoples’ childhood and remake them into whatever horror genre we see fit,” a Paramount Pictures spokesman said. “The possibilities are endless.”

At least four of these horror film projects are in production, destroying what audiences liked about the TV shows.

Among the list of TV shows being remade into horror movies include, but are not limited to:

·      Hogan’s Heroes – A gritty horror remake where Allied POWs in a POW camp must fight Nazi Zombies during World War II.

·      Barney the Dinosaur – An evil corporation (what else?) turns the beloved purple dinosaur from 1990s “Barney and Friends” into a 10-foot tall monster that crushes people “with a great big hug and a kiss from me to you.”

·      Dragon Tales – a set of short anthology films featuring kids from Earth getting sucked into a world of dragons.

·      Alf – Remember that likable alien from another world? Well, this Alf cracks skulls instead of cracking jokes.

·      The Puzzle Place – A group of puppet kids find themselves trapped in a maze-like haunted mansion that changes every hour so nothing stays the same.

·      The Wild Wild West – Secret Service Agent Jim West must battle ghosts, werewolves and other monsters in a small Wild West town. (At least it’ll be better than the Will Smith movie, right?)

·      Untitled Scooby Doo horror movie – A new Scooby Doo movie comes out every year or so, and this live-action feature film finds Scooby and the Gang terrorized by a real monster. The body count is expected to rise.

·      Jonny Quest – Everyone’s favorite blond-haired adventurer and his friends find themselves dealing with a creature that has a taste for human flesh.

·      Kratt’s Creatures – Chris and Martin Kratt travel across the United States slaying demon animals while trying to stop the apocalypse. It’s just like the TV show “Supernatural,” but for educational purposes.

·      The Love Boat – Looking for love? Well, this isn’t the place for it. The only thing that this movie has close to the original show is a cruise ship full of people. From there, it quickly turns into a life-or-death struggle for its passengers and crew.

·      Bonanza – Ben Cartwright and his sons, Adam, Hoss and Little Joe find themselves trapped on their ranch in this modern-day remake of the classic Western show that kicked off Michael Landon’s career.

·      Mister Ed – The famous talking horse decides to start terrorizing humans. Working title: “Ed the Killer Horse.”

·      Santa Claus is Coming to Town – this modern day take on the classic stop-motion TV short features Kris Kringle going on a killing spree in a European village. Working title: “Santa Claws is coming to town.”

·      Green Acres – All Mr. Douglas wanted to do was live a peaceful life in the country, but no one would let him. Now, he’s going into the slasher horror film genre against unsuspecting townsfolk.

·      Care Bears – Forget cute and cuddly. These bears, the stars of several TV shows and movies, launch an all-out assault on Planet Earth with their animal cousins. Watch as a ragtag band of human survivors fight back against the Care Bears in this horror-comedy. A bunch of animals are gonna die in horrible and creative ways. Starting Woody Harrelson and Jesse Eisenberg in the lead roles.

·      Thomas the Tank Engine – Even a franchise that starred one of The Beetles as The Conductor (Ringo Starr himself) isn’t safe from Hollywood. This film based on the beloved children’s TV show “Thomas and Friends” portrays these sentient trains as murderous psychopaths causing deadly accidents on British and U.S. railways.

·      Bambi – Just kidding! Disney would never dare venture into R-rated territory! But even that won’t stop other companies from “copying” the classic Disney film and turning it into a horror movie about dumb teenagers getting lost in the woods. Besides, the original film is scary enough.

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