(Parody) New historical evidence suggests House Democrats inspired Pharisees in attacking Outsider they don’t like

[Disclaimer: This article is a parody story. While some events in this article are actually taking place, it is written for comedy purposes and shouldn’t be taken too seriously.] 


New historical evidence has been uncovered that sheds new light on Jesus’ Passion and death.

An archeological team working in the ruin sections of Jerusalem uncovered scrolls that show that the Pharisees followed the example of modern-day Democrats in attacking people they don’t like.

The Scrolls, which were discovered along with several "Jesus Man Bad" signs, date back to the early First Century A.D., the time of Jesus's life, death and resurrection. 

“Originally we were just going to kill this Jesus fellow in the Garden of Gethsemane, but then we heard about the tactics used by (Nancy) Pelosi, Adam Schiff and Jerry Nadler against this Donald Trump guy,” Caiaphas, Jewish High Priest, said, according to the scrolls. “We then decided we should humiliate this man every way imaginable before putting him to death.”

This news comes after Democrats in the House of Representatives voted along party lines to pass two articles of impeachment against President Trump on Wednesday, Dec. 18.

All House Republicans voted against the two articles.

Only two-three Democrats voted with House Republicans against both articles of impeachment.

The scrolls indicated that the Pharisees followed several practices that Democrats are using against President Trump, including:

·      Bringing forth witnesses who tell lies against/about this man (whose stories can’t add up together or have credibility).

·      Accusing him of things they themselves are guilty of.

·      Conspiring in secret against this man.

·      Attacking his followers and belittling them.

·      Maintaining the status quo so that they keep power and not ordinary people.

·      Soliciting the help of foreigners (especially high ranking officials) to discredit him and remove him from his leadership position in life.

Democrats have spent the last three years attacking Trump and his followers, going so far as to draw up impeachment articles against him this week. They are upset Trump because refused to help them in their quest to impeach him.

“President Trump is disrupting our halls of Congress and threatening our position of authority over the American people,” House Speaker Nancy Pelosi said. “He has even overturned our money-changer stations where we collect American taxpayer dollars for our own means.”

“Trump surrounds himself with sinners and deplorables,” Senate Minority Leader Chuck Schumer (D-NY) said. “Oh God, I am thankful I am not a man like this deplorable here!”

“What need have we for witnesses?” House Judiciary Chairman Jerry Nadler (D-NY) said. “You all have heard the evil things Trump has said!”

Trump countered against the Democrats' attacks against him and his supporters.  

“Washington is supposed to be a city of helping the American people, not of lining your own pockets and abusing the Constitution,” Trump tweeted. “Heresy Nancy, Crying Chuck Schumer and the Democrats have turned it into a Swamp of thieves!”

At publishing time, Democrat leaders offered thirty pieces of silver to anyone who can hand Trump himself over to them.

“We would prefer it if this person was one of Trump’s twelve closest friends, but we don’t discriminate,” Schiff said. “Unless you talk about the Ukraine whistleblower, of course. Then I’m gonna shut you up and shut you down.”

Schiff then banged down the gavel he always carries with him.