(Parody) Democrats criticize Resistance leaders in latest “Star Wars” film for launching military strikes without Congressional approval


[Disclaimer: This article is a parody story. While some events in this article are actually taking place, it is written for comedy purposes and shouldn’t be taken too seriously.] 

WARNING: Spoiler alert for Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker.


House Speaker Nancy Pelosi and Congressional Democrats condemn the Resistance for launching space strikes on the First Order.

Specifically, the Democrat leaders opposed Resistance leaders Poe Dameron, Finn and Rey’s decision to launch a military attack against First Order forces in Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker, without seeking permission from the Democrat-controlled Congress.

The Resistance, which is Disney’s version of the ragtag group known as the Rebel Alliance, are the protagonists in the Disney Star Wars Trilogy.

The First Order, which rebranded itself as The Final Order in “The Rise of Skywalker” film, are the bad guys of the latest trilogy of “Star Wars” films.

In the film, the Resistance launches a last-stand attack against the Final Order’s fleet in order to stop the bad guys from attacking free planets in the galaxy — similar to the Battle of Endor in Star Wars: Episode VI – Return of the Jedi.

“This is a dangerous practice, having one man or woman in executive authority make military decisions,” Pelosi said.

“Who even gave them their power in the first place? The people?” Pelosi added jokingly, laughing hard. “As if the people get to decide who’s in charge of their country or military force.”

“Poe Dameron, Finn and Rey are monsters,” Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez (D-NY) said. “They’ve taken it upon themselves to act in the best interest to protect their troops and innocent civilians without going to Congress for permission.”

“Rey, Finn and Poe are fascists, plain and simple,” Rep. Rashida Tlaib (D-MI) said. “They planned and carried out military attacks against First Order leaders without seeking Congressional approval. It doesn’t matter if The First Order was responsible for the deaths of hundreds or thousands of Resistance soldiers. You have no right to protect citizens or Resistance troops from any future First Order attack.   

“We should charge the Resistance leaders with war crimes,” Rep. Ilhan Omar (D-MN) said. “They are the real threat to our Republic, to our democracy.”

“You can’t just make decisive, once in a lifetime opportunities to take out bad guys without approval from legislative leaders,” said former Vice President Joe Biden, who is also a 2020 Democrat candidate. “Why, back in my day when I was on the Jedi Council, we didn’t do any military action without going to the Old Republic Senate first. We just sat back and watched as shadowy figures created a nice Clone Army.”

Biden reiterated that he was referring to the Senate of the Old Republic depicted in the Star Wars Prequel Trilogy — not the current Republican-majority U.S. Senate.

President Donald Trump and Secretary of State Mike Pompeo praised the Resistance for their courage, ingenuity and resourcefulness.

“Poe, Finn and Rey took bold, decisive action against very evil men,” Trump tweeted. “The First Order’s reign of terror is over thanks to these brave young men and women. May the Force be with you.”

At publishing time, ordinary Americans and servicemembers of the U.S. Military thanked the Resistance troops for fighting against evil forces in the Galaxy.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

The Best Christmas Pageant Ever (2024) Review

The movie starts by introducing us to the Herdmans, a group of poor kids who are the worst kids in town. Even the girls.   Told through the narration of the main protagonist, Beth Bradley, the Herdmans are bullies and juvenile delinquents who spend their time terrorizing the other kids and the townspeople.  Everyone in town hates them, especially the parishioners and busy-body mothers at the local Christian parish.  That changes as the film progresses and our main characters see the Herdmans in a new light as they become involved in the town’s local Christmas pageant.  Sadly, Grace Bradley is forced to take over the pageant after Mrs. Armstrong breaks her legs.  When the Herdmans join the Christmas pageant under the motivation of receiving free food and desserts by going to church, somewhere nobody expected the Herdmans to show their faces, every expects the worst to happen.  However, once the pageant comes around, the entire town has a newfound...
Read more

Movie Review: The 5th Wave as Anti-Military propaganda

This article was originally published on June 9, 2017. Normally a story that involves humans fighting seemingly invincible aliens warrants a good story. You'd also think the military would be there to protect Americans. But before long, it becomes clear to the protagonists in “The 5th Wave (2016)” that Americans should resist the military, that the soldiers are the real enemy to humanity. "The 5th Wave," based on the Rick Yancey novel of the same name, follows a long line of Hollywood's assaults on the honor and integers of the brave men and women who fight for their country. Unfortunately, most of Hollywood hasn't limited their attacks to five. The film centers around a young girl who sets out to find her brother after their father is killed in a massacre carried out by military forces. Right after the parents do the natural thing and resist being separated from their children forever. This is the director's way of telli...
Read more

Local Kansas City parish hosts annual Marian Conference

In “33 Days to Morning Glory,” Father Michael E. Gaitley talks about how Mother Mary wants people to come closer to her son, Jesus, through her. Now, Mother Mary calls us to enter a deeper relationship with her son through the Marian Conference IV of Greater Kansas City. The conference runs from June 22-23 at St. Thomas More Parish, located at 11822 Holmes Rd., Kansas City, MO.  It is the fourth annual Marian conference organized by the volunteers of the Marian Association.  In previous years, the conference was held at St. John Lalond in Blue Springs, MO; Our Lady of Lourdes in Raytown, MO; and St. Robert Bellarmine Church in Blue Springs, MO.   Registration for the conference is free.  Last year’s conference, hosted by St. Robert Bellermine Catholic Church in Blue Springs, MO, received over 400 people in attendance. Julie and Tom Cummings, Promotions Fund Raising Coordinators, expect over 700 people from Kansas a...
Read more