(Parody) Disgraced Lt. Col. Vindman accepts new job with the First Order

[Disclaimer: This article is a parody story. While some events in this article are actually taking place, it is written for comedy purposes and shouldn’t be taken too seriously.] 

Lt. Col. Alex Vindman and EU Ambassador Gordon Sondland were fired last week.

Vindman and Sondland testified against President Donald Trump during the Trump impeachment trial.

Vindman, who was part of the National Security Council (NSC) team, also likely leaked Trump’s July 2019 phone call with the Ukrainian President to the CIA whistleblower who started the Trump impeachment trial in the first place.

Vindman was escorted out of the White House after his firing was announced.

The disgraced intelligence official didn’t wait long for a new job.

Sources confirmed that Vindman has accepted a role as part of Kylo Ren’s Intelligence Council in the First Order.

“What can I say?” Vindman told reporters. “I traded one evil empire for another.”

It was obvious that Vindman was referring to President Trump and his administration (and the United States in general) as an “evil empire.”

Normal Americans don’t agree at all with Vindman’s characterization of Trump or their country.

“But hey, Kylo Ren can totally trust me to be part of his team and to never betray him or his trust,” Vindman added. “It’s not like I’m gonna constantly leak information to the media or whistleblowers.”

Vindman’s twin brother, a military officer who was also removed from his post in the Trump White House along with Vindman, graciously accepted the First Order’s job offer alongside his brother.

At publishing time, Vindman was executed by Kyle Ren after Vindman leaked classified First Order secrets to a member of the First Order spying community.

Vindman’s twin brother and Sondland were also brutally murdered by their new employers at the First Order.

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