(Parody) Entire U.S. Women’s Soccer Team replaced with transgender athletes

[Disclaimer: This article is a parody story. While some events in this article are actually taking place, it is written for comedy purposes and shouldn’t be taken too seriously.] 

The U.S. Women’s Soccer Team filed a lawsuit against the U.S. Soccer Federation.

The women’s squad claims that the U.S. Soccer organization discriminated against the women’s team by paying them less than the U.S. Men’s Soccer Team — even though men’s soccer draws more crowds and profits than women’s soccer does, and men’s sports are general more physical and tougher than women’s sports.

“We want to make sure women are treated equally as men,” U.S. Women’s Soccer Captain Megan Rapinoe said. “We believe all women deserve the chance to succeed.”

The U.S. Women’s Soccer Team’s position also now applies to trans-athletes and other members of the LGBTQ-etcetera-etcetera Community.

U.S. Soccer Federation announced that the entire U.S. Women’s Soccer Team will replaced with transgender athletes after

This news comes after transgender athletes were allowed to attend tryouts for the U.S. Women’s Soccer Team — and crushed their biological women counterparts.

“I am truly blessed to live in a country where a person like me can come out and embrace the woman whose been inside me this whole time,” said forward London Donovan (formerly U.S. Men’s Soccer star Landon Donovan), “and give me the chance where I can actually win a World Cup.”

Donovan outperformed, outscored and outdid Rapinoe at every level of playing soccer thanks to her stronger body, size and athleticism. Donovan’s record numbers for women’s soccer gave her Rapinoe’s roster spot, knocking the purple-haired lesbian off the team.

“We just had to put Donovan on the team after watching her stunning and brave performance,” a representative for U.S. Women’s Soccer stated at a press release. “We are finally lifting off the shackles of the patriarchy by supporting trans-athletes in women’s sports.”  

New star midfielder Michaela Bradley (former U.S. Men’s Soccer Team star took Alex Morgan’s roster spot after outrunning and outmanning Morgan during tryouts.

Other new trans-women (men who identify as a woman) joining Donovan and Bradley on the team include: Timerella Howard (formerly Tim Howard), Fredericka Adu (formerly Freddy Adu), Clinton Dempsey (formerly Clint Dempsey) and Briana McBride (formerly Brian McBride).

It is unclear if these players are just pretending to be women so that they actually have a chance to win a World Cup for the United States.

Sporting KC’s Matt Besler (who plays for the U.S. Men’s Soccer Team) announced he will continue competing as a man because he is a biological man and knows he is.

“I’d rather lose in the men’s league than pretend to be a woman just to win against biological women,” Besler said. “It’s all about good sportsmanship and common sense.”

Other U.S. men’s athletes agree with Besler.

The new U.S. Women’s Soccer Team, made up entirely of transgender athletes, are double-digit favorites to win the gold medal at the 2020 Tokyo Summer Olympics and the 2023 Women’s World Cup — and beat each team they face by double-digits.

At publishing time, the biological women kicked off the U.S. Women’s Soccer Team (led by Rapinoe and Morgan) have filed another lawsuit with the U.S. Soccer Federation, claiming the organization discriminates against biological women by making them compete against trans athletes.

They have all been labeled “transphobes“ and “bigots” by liberals and the left-wing media — even the lesbian Rapinoe.

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