(Parody) Empire praised for successfully containing diseases on Alderaan by blowing up Alderaan

[Disclaimer: This article is a parody story. While some events in this article are actually taking place, it is written for comedy purposes and shouldn’t be taken too seriously.] 

Liberals in the media and in Washington, D.C. are praising Darth Vader, second-in-command of the Galactic Empire, for his initiative in combating the spread of diseases on Alderaan.

“The Empire is pleased to inform the Galaxy that we have successfully eliminated all new cases of deadly diseases on Alderaan by blowing up the entire planet,” Darth Vader told reporters on the observation deck of the Death Star, the Empire’s new super weapon and virus-killer.

Vader touted the measures the Empire took to stop the spread of Alderaan viruses. 

Vader was then asked if reporters and leaders from Earth could come to the Empire and see how the Alderaan people are returning to their normal lives now that the viruses are destroyed. 

“Oh, umm, we put them on other planets inside our Empire, free from any illnesses or viruses, but we won’t let you come in and see them for yourselves,” Vader said.

“Please, don’t listen to any reports of ‘a great disturbance in the Force’ where ‘millions of voices suddenly cried out in terror and then suddenly silenced,’” Vader added. “Just take our word for it that the people of Alderaan are safe and that we have the situation under control.”

Liberals at CBS, ABC, Vox, the Young Turks, CNN and MSNBC congratulated Vader for his efforts to end the spread of Alderaan viruses and wished that countries like the United States (and leaders like President Donald Trump) would follow the example set by the Imperial overlords in the Galactic Empire.

“Maybe Vader can help us stop coronavirus,” CNN’s Chris Cuomo said. “What’s good for Alderaan is good for us.”

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