(Parody) Chinese President Xi praises Umbrella Corporation for successfully “containing” T-Virus
[Disclaimer: This article is a parody story. While some events in this article are actually taking place, it is written for comedy purposes and shouldn’t be taken too seriously.]
Chinese President Xi Jinping, leader of the Chinese Communist Party, congratulated the Umbrella Corporation for stopping the deadly T-Virus that has plagued Raccoon City, U.S.A.
“The Umbrella Corporation model at stopping the T-Virus is so effective that my government has adopted it to contain the Coronavirus,” Xi said.
The T-Virus is a biological pathogen that turns infected persons into zombies and gruesome monsters. It allegedly escaped from a secret Umbrella lab built underneath Raccoon City.
Critics condemned Xi’s response, claiming that Umbrella created the T-Virus and destroyed documents and other evidence linking Umbrella to the T-Virus.
“This is the worst cover-up in history,” rookie RCPD Officer Leon S. Kennedy said. “I was there, I saw the underground lab where Umbrella unleashed this virus.
“People are dead because Umbrella tried to cover-up the T-Virus and destory a vaccine,” Kennedy added.
Chinese President Xi condemned attacks by Americans against the Umbrella Corporation concerning the original outbreak in Raccoon City.
“Yes, my government is aware of fringe groups claiming Umbrella caused the T-Virus in the first place,” Xi told reporters outside Wuhan, China, reminding everyone how the Chinese government has successfully “defeated” the Coronavirus (Covid-19). “And let me just say, these are the lies of racist and bigoted members of the Raccoon City Police Department and S.T.A.R.S.”
S.T.A.R.S. is the Special Forces division of the Raccoon City Police Department, standing for “Special Tactics and Rescue Service.”
China launched a propaganda war against Raccoon City’s police forces, claiming S.T.A.R.S. was responsible for releasing the T-Virus in Raccoon City.
“It’s very likely that Leon Kennedy and members of S.T.A.R.S. — particularly Chris Redfield and Jill Valentine — brought the T-Virus to Raccoon City and unleashed on the population,” Xi said. “All in an effort to discredit and demean the Umbrella Corporation.
“I have spoken to Umbrella’s Board of Directors and I assured them that the People’s Republic of China supports their company,” Xi added.
A female Chinese reporter pointed out to Xi that the Umbrella Corporation and the people attacking Umbrella are fictional characters and organizations in the “Resident Evil” video game franchise. Chinese soldiers then dragged her into a blacked-out van, which sped quickly away to an unknown location.
She is officially listed as “disappeared.”
“President Xi is the greatest and smartest man alive,” a statement released by the Chinese Communist Party stated. “If he says Umbrella is real, then it is real. Anyone who disagrees with that is a capitalist pig or supports Trump.”
Chinese President Xi Jinping, leader of the Chinese Communist Party, congratulated the Umbrella Corporation for stopping the deadly T-Virus that has plagued Raccoon City, U.S.A.
“The Umbrella Corporation model at stopping the T-Virus is so effective that my government has adopted it to contain the Coronavirus,” Xi said.
The T-Virus is a biological pathogen that turns infected persons into zombies and gruesome monsters. It allegedly escaped from a secret Umbrella lab built underneath Raccoon City.
Critics condemned Xi’s response, claiming that Umbrella created the T-Virus and destroyed documents and other evidence linking Umbrella to the T-Virus.
“This is the worst cover-up in history,” rookie RCPD Officer Leon S. Kennedy said. “I was there, I saw the underground lab where Umbrella unleashed this virus.
“People are dead because Umbrella tried to cover-up the T-Virus and destory a vaccine,” Kennedy added.
Chinese President Xi condemned attacks by Americans against the Umbrella Corporation concerning the original outbreak in Raccoon City.
“Yes, my government is aware of fringe groups claiming Umbrella caused the T-Virus in the first place,” Xi told reporters outside Wuhan, China, reminding everyone how the Chinese government has successfully “defeated” the Coronavirus (Covid-19). “And let me just say, these are the lies of racist and bigoted members of the Raccoon City Police Department and S.T.A.R.S.”
S.T.A.R.S. is the Special Forces division of the Raccoon City Police Department, standing for “Special Tactics and Rescue Service.”
China launched a propaganda war against Raccoon City’s police forces, claiming S.T.A.R.S. was responsible for releasing the T-Virus in Raccoon City.
“It’s very likely that Leon Kennedy and members of S.T.A.R.S. — particularly Chris Redfield and Jill Valentine — brought the T-Virus to Raccoon City and unleashed on the population,” Xi said. “All in an effort to discredit and demean the Umbrella Corporation.
“I have spoken to Umbrella’s Board of Directors and I assured them that the People’s Republic of China supports their company,” Xi added.
A female Chinese reporter pointed out to Xi that the Umbrella Corporation and the people attacking Umbrella are fictional characters and organizations in the “Resident Evil” video game franchise. Chinese soldiers then dragged her into a blacked-out van, which sped quickly away to an unknown location.
She is officially listed as “disappeared.”
“President Xi is the greatest and smartest man alive,” a statement released by the Chinese Communist Party stated. “If he says Umbrella is real, then it is real. Anyone who disagrees with that is a capitalist pig or supports Trump.”
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