(Parody) Biden practices old tradition of staying home and doing nothing while running for President

[Disclaimer: This article is a parody story. While some events in this article are actually taking place, it is written for comedy purposes and shouldn’t be taken too seriously.] 

Joe Biden is a man of tradition. By 180 years.

Biden, the presumptive Democrat nominee for President, refuses to leave his mansion’s basement and has instead adopted the good old “Log Cabin Campaign” as his strategy to beating Republican President Donald Trump in the 2020 Presidential Election.

“I have every intention of staying in my home, writing speeches and policy, and sending them out by letter, horse and buggy, telegraph, and rider to all the newspapers and towns in this vast and wild nation, all from the comforts of home,” Biden said in another video chat with CNN from his Delaware mansion. “That’s the only way you can win an election these days. None of this personality stuff, or connecting with voters, or internet, television or social media.”

The Log Cabin Campaign was famous in the mid-1800s, where candidates stayed at home and wrote campaign speeches that were printed in newspapers weeks and even months later (depending on travel conditions and the distance to cities throughout the country).

It was first adopted by Whig Party candidate William Henry “Tippecanoe” Harrison and his Vice President John Tyler, who went on to win the 1840 Presidential Election.

The practice of Presidential candidates traveling across the country and interacting with voters became popular with Republican Abraham Lincoln, who became President in 1860. Lincoln was famous for traveling across Illinois to debate Democrat Stephen Douglas during the 1850s.

“Hey, if it can work for ‘Tippecanoe and Tyler Too’ it can work for Joe Biden,” Biden said. “I don’t need to travel and engage with voters.”

Biden then turned and looked at a Biden Campaign aide who was off-camera. “Now, uh, my boy, get on your mighty steed and deliver this speech to our friends in yonder Oregon,” he said to the aide. “Ride as hard as you can.”

It is estimated that Biden’s aide, even if he rides really fast, will reach Oregon in about 6-8 months — depending on weather conditions, if he has enough supplies to make the trip, or isn’t attacked by Indians, wild animals or outlaws along the way.

President Donald Trump weighed in on Biden’s strategy. “Joe, this is 2020, not 1840. Get with the times,” Trump said in a tweet on Twitter, a digital social media platform.

President Trump continues his campaign for re-election while still leading the United States’ efforts against the coronavirus and to help each state reopen again, including rebuilding the U.S. economy once again. He plans to return to the campaign trial and conduct campaign rallies (where “God Bless the USA” will be playing), attend the Republican National Convention in-person and travel across the country as more and more states start reopening now that the United States has flattened the curve against the Coronavirus, all while still leading our great country.

You know, returning to his normal life like every other regular American should.