(Parody) Disgraced Former FBI Director James Comey reveals dream goals, uniforms for the FBI

[Disclaimer: This article is a parody story. While some events in this article are actually taking place, it is written for comedy purposes and shouldn’t be taken too seriously.] 


The Department of Justice has dropped all charges in its case against Gen. Michael Flynn today.

Flynn, President Donald Trump’s former National Security Advisor, pled guilty to lying to the FBI after the FBI, under disgraced Former FBI Director James Comey sent agents to the White House in an effort to trap Flynn in a lie in Jan. 2017, during the early days of President Trump’s Administration.

Flynn was fired in Feb. 2017 after lying to President Trump and Vice President Mike Pence about his communications with Russian Ambassador to the U.S. Sergey Kislyak.

Flynn made the plea deal after Deep State FBI investigators threatened to charge Flynn’s son in the case.

It is now up the judge in Flynn’s case to decide whether to throw out Flynn’s coerced guilty plea.

Comey reacted to the Department of Justice dropping the case against Michael Flynn. 

“This is a disgrace,” Comey told CNN. “Michael Flynn is a criminal. [Attorney General] William Barr is a disgrace to the DOJ and revealed himself as an agent of the Russian collusion.”

Comey then discussed his ideas for the FBI and DOJ going forward.

“My FBI will go back to the basics and wear all black uniforms,” Comey said. “This will help people identity us so that they know we are separate from the regular cops or military soldiers.

“FBI agents will also be required to wear skulls on their uniforms as a sign that they are agents of death to all evildoers and Deplorables,” Comey added. “We will also conduct more nighttime raids on suspects and drive them away in trucks and train cars.”

Fox News pundits pointed out that Comey’s suggestions for the FBI are similar to Nazi Germany’s Secret Police, the Gestapo.

“Comey wants to turn the FBI into the Gestapo,” Fox News’ Sean Hannity said. “He thinks he’s above the law, the American people and President Trump.”

At publishing time, Comey announced he will start growing a small stubby mustache and yell at people incoherently.

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