(Parody) J. Jonah Jameson becomes Biden 2020 Communications Manager

[Disclaimer: This article is a parody story. While some events in this article are actually taking place, it is written for comedy purposes and shouldn’t be taken too seriously.] 

Democrat Nominee Joe Biden emerged from his basement to hold a press conference on Tuesday, June 30.

It is the first time Biden has made a public press conference in 89 days.

No surprise, Biden attacked President Trump on everything from the Coronavirus response to a leaked un-vetted report that Russia paid the Taliban bounties on U.S. troops.

Biden also took this opportunity to announce the new communications manager for his Biden 2020 Campaign: J. Jonah Jameson, CEO and Chief of The Daily Bugle.

“Jonah is a fine man,” Biden said after reading from the pieces of paper containing his attacks against Trump, referring to Jameson. “He, umm, has high integrity both as a person and a media pundit. He’s a journalist guy you can trust.”

Jameson then took the stage after Biden.

The dozen or so journalists and reporters present, sitting in seats surrounded by white circles six feet apart to practice social distancing due to the Coronavirus, expected Jameson to attack President Donald Trump like Biden did.

Instead, Jameson was true to form and attacked Spider-Man, a superhero fighting crime in New York City.

“Spider-Man is a menace,” Jameson said. “He is responsible for the Coronavirus pandemic and systemic racism in the United States.”

Jameson was referring to allegations from the Left that America and police officers are inherently racist and always have been.

Reporters asked Jameson easy questions, just as they did for Biden, instead of the antagonistic confrontational questions reporters ask President Trump and members of his administration, including White House Press Secretary Kayleigh McEnany, on a regular basis. 

They were unable to stop Jameson from talking about Spider-Man.

Jameson contradicted himself, both attacking Spider-Man for fighting crime and blaming him for not showing up to stop violent encounters between police officers and black men. 

“Spider-Man makes cops soft,” Jameson said when asked about the recent deaths of black men at the hands of police. “They expect Spider-Man to show up and save them and the city from crime. Why didn’t Spider-Man save George Floyd or Rayshard Brooks? Spider-Man killed them!

Jameson then jumped off the podium and attacked the reporters, ignoring social distancing guidelines as he assaulted them.

“Why aren’t you people blaming Spider-Man for the few police shootings and the many black-on-black killings in Chicago, Baltimore, New York and throughout this country?” Jameson said as he tackled an MSNBC reporter.

Two security guards took Jameson away.

A Biden 2020 spokesperson announced that Jameson has received “daily” testing for “cognitive ability” on a regular basis and is in “perfect” shape.

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