(Parody) WCKD plans to fight Coronavirus by experimenting on children

[Disclaimer: This article is a parody story. While some events in this article are actually taking place, it is written for comedy purposes and shouldn’t be taken too seriously.] 

The World In Catastrophe: Killzone Experiment Department (WCKD) has a brilliant solution to finding a cure for the Coronavirus: ordinary people handing their kids over to WCKD so that they can create a cure.

WCKD (also know as WICKED, pronounced as “Wick - Ed”), an international health organization, claims that children — particularly older teens and young adults — hold the key to stopping the Coronavirus (Covid-19).

“Research shows that kids and young adults are better equipped to handle Covid-19 symptoms, so most of them must be immune to the virus,” Doctor Ava Paige, WCKD Director, said at a press briefing. “We need you to give us your children without any questions so that we can stick them in technologically-advanced mazes that are unnecessarily complicated. Then, we will be able to extract blue goo from the kids and use it to, uh, you know, create a cure. That’s the stuff that keeps young adults impervious to the effects of Coronavirus. It’s perfectly okay and logically sound.

“And if you don’t surrender your kids to us, then you want people to die from Covid,” Paige added.

It is unclear if WCKD will kidnap children from parents if they refuse to comply with WCKD‘s demands.

Multi-billionaire Bill Gates came out in support of WCKD‘s plan, but he insisted that they put microchips inside the kids, along with any parents who don’t obey WCKD.

“We can’t have parents try to ‘rescue’ their kids from WCKD,” Gates said in a CNN interview. “That’s just selfish and uncaring on the parents’ part.”

Kentucky Democrat Governor Andy Bashear drew up plans to arrest any parents who refuse to sign forms to hand over their children to WCKD and attach ankle monitors to them.

Progressives, leftists, celebrities and “moderate” Republicans like Utah Senator Mitt Romney announced their support for WCKD’s plan.

Democrat Presumptive Nominee Joe Biden announced a plan to give $5 trillion in aid to WCKD if he is elected President in November.

“We must find a cure to the Covid Flu no matter what it costs,” Biden said when asked about the price tag for his WCKD plan. “And if a few white kids and poor kids have to deal with being uncomfortable for a few hours or years, so be it. They need to grow up and think about other people.”

President Donald Trump and conservatives condemned WCKD, calling the organization a “militarized version of the W.H.O.”

Paige dismissed condemnation from conservatives and the GOP Republican Party.

“Anyone who opposes WCKD is a racist and a fascist,” Paige said. “We must do whatever is necessary to find a cure, even if it’s considered immoral or unconstitutional. And remember: WCKD is good.”