D.C. Mayor Bowser orders police officers to arrest people using chalk, even kids
[Disclaimer: This article is a parody story. While some events in this article are actually taking place, it is written for comedy purposes and shouldn’t be taken too seriously.]
Washington, D.C., Metropolitan Police were forced to arrest peaceful pro-life advocates writing chalk on a sidewalk in front of a Planned Parenthood facility over the weekend, charging them with “defacing public or private property.”
The pro-life students were writing a pro-life slogan – “Black Preborn Lives Matter” – with the chalk, which most of us know is easy to wash away (unlike paint).
After the arrest, D.C. Mayor Muriel Bowser ordered all cops in her city to arrest anyone writing chalk on streets or sidewalks.
Surprisingly, the police and D.C. officials had no problem with radical left-wing anarchists rioting, looting, destroying statues, burning churches, attacking federal officers or assaulting police officers and innocent bystanders.
They also had no problem with radical Marxists painting “Defund the Police” and “Black Lives Matter” on the street itself with hard-to-remove paint, both of which are political statements.
“We must protect our city from the real criminals: people using and playing with chalk,” Bowser said in a statement.
Within hours after Bowser’s order, the police officers — who Bowser kept referring to as “Koopas” (though bystanders assumed she meant “Coppers”) — arrested hundreds of “criminals,” mostly young children between the ages of 3 and 12. The children were charged with “defacing public or private property” — even when it was on their own driveways or patios.
“See how much we care about protecting our streets?” Bowser said in front of D.C. City Hall. “We can’t have criminals mark up our streets with brightly colored chalk sticks.”
Many normal D.C. parents were angry that their kids were arrested for playing with chalk that easily washes away.
“It’s not like the kids were painting political statements on the streets and sidewalks with actual paint, for goodness sake!” mother Annabelle Whitaker said, shouting angrily at Bowser, as she tried comforting her four-year-old girl after getting her out of jail.
Washington, D.C., Metropolitan Police were forced to arrest peaceful pro-life advocates writing chalk on a sidewalk in front of a Planned Parenthood facility over the weekend, charging them with “defacing public or private property.”
The pro-life students were writing a pro-life slogan – “Black Preborn Lives Matter” – with the chalk, which most of us know is easy to wash away (unlike paint).
After the arrest, D.C. Mayor Muriel Bowser ordered all cops in her city to arrest anyone writing chalk on streets or sidewalks.
Surprisingly, the police and D.C. officials had no problem with radical left-wing anarchists rioting, looting, destroying statues, burning churches, attacking federal officers or assaulting police officers and innocent bystanders.
They also had no problem with radical Marxists painting “Defund the Police” and “Black Lives Matter” on the street itself with hard-to-remove paint, both of which are political statements.
“We must protect our city from the real criminals: people using and playing with chalk,” Bowser said in a statement.
Within hours after Bowser’s order, the police officers — who Bowser kept referring to as “Koopas” (though bystanders assumed she meant “Coppers”) — arrested hundreds of “criminals,” mostly young children between the ages of 3 and 12. The children were charged with “defacing public or private property” — even when it was on their own driveways or patios.
“See how much we care about protecting our streets?” Bowser said in front of D.C. City Hall. “We can’t have criminals mark up our streets with brightly colored chalk sticks.”
Many normal D.C. parents were angry that their kids were arrested for playing with chalk that easily washes away.
“It’s not like the kids were painting political statements on the streets and sidewalks with actual paint, for goodness sake!” mother Annabelle Whitaker said, shouting angrily at Bowser, as she tried comforting her four-year-old girl after getting her out of jail.
Whitaker and other angry parents vowed to sue Bowser and D.C. over the chalk arrests.
A mustachioed Italian plumber in blue overalls and wearing a red cap suddenly appeared in front of City Hall, facing off against Bowser.
“It’s a me, Mario!” the man said in an Italian accent.
Mario then smacked into Bowser, sending her tumbling down the steps. He then threw a fireball at her, causing her to catch fire.
“Now to a rescue Princess a Peach!” Mario said as he darted inside City Hall to rescue a young blonde woman in a pink dress.
A mustachioed Italian plumber in blue overalls and wearing a red cap suddenly appeared in front of City Hall, facing off against Bowser.
“It’s a me, Mario!” the man said in an Italian accent.
Mario then smacked into Bowser, sending her tumbling down the steps. He then threw a fireball at her, causing her to catch fire.
“Now to a rescue Princess a Peach!” Mario said as he darted inside City Hall to rescue a young blonde woman in a pink dress.
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