(Parody) Trump gets Dems to support “Star-Spangled Banner” by promising to replace it with “God Bless the USA”

[Disclaimer: This article is a parody story. While some events in this article are actually taking place, it is written for comedy purposes and shouldn’t be taken too seriously.] 


In a genius move, President Donald Trump managed to get Democrats to defend “The Star-Spangled Banner” as the U.S. National Anthem.

Trump accomplished this feat by saying in a tweet that he would replace “The Star-Spangled Banner” with “God Bless the USA.”

The tweet came as the Republican Party prepares to kickoff the largely virtual 2020 Republican National Convention from Aug. 24-27 in Charlotte, NC.

“Democrats and NFL stars want to get rid of ‘The Star-Spangled Banner’ because they think it’s racist,” Trump tweeted. “So I’m gonna replace it with Lee Greenwood’s ‘God Bless the USA,’ a great song that shows how much we love our country.”

For those of you who don’t know, Lee Greenwood’s version of “God Bless the USA” has been used by President Trump and his campaign to introduce Trump whenever he speaks at an event or campaign rally ever since the 2016 Presidential Election.

In the wake of Colin Kaepernick starting the kneeling in protest during the playing of the National Anthem, liberals and progressives have pushed to replace “The Star-Spangled Banner” as America’s “National Anthem.” At one point, they wanted “Stand by me” to be our new anthem.

It is unclear if the first verse and chorus of “God Bless the USA” will be played before sporting events, or the entire song.

Shortly after Trump’s tweet, Democrats and their compatriots in the liberal media immediately came forward to defend “The Star-Spangled Banner.”

“There’s nothing welcoming or inclusive about a song that invokes God in America,” Democratic Presidential Nominee Joe Biden said in a statement released by his campaign. “It’s not like we have a candidate going on-and-on about how much his faith in God is important to him and that’s why you should vote for him. That just makes that person sound like a hypocrite if he or she doesn’t act like they’re living in a ‘Christian’ manner.”

Democrats and the media made no comments about how Biden himself publicly invokes his “devout” Catholic faith and yet goes against Catholic Church teaching on issues such as abortion and religious freedom.

“It’s sexist and racist to even think about replacing our National Anthem,” Democratic Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez wrote in a tweet responding to Trump’s tweet. “You must be evil or stupid to seek replacing ‘The Star-Spangled Banner’ with some ‘feel good’ song.”

“‘The Star-Spangled Banner’ is the most beautiful song in American history,” CNN’s Chris Cuomo said as tears of joy streamed down his face during his show last night. “Every time I hear that song playing before sporting events, I imagine myself standing there on the British prison ship with Francis Scott Key watching the British attack Fort McHenry.

“We must keep ‘The Star-Spangled Banner’ as our National Anthem!” Cuomo added.

Even Kaepernick came out in support of “The Star-Spangled Banner.”

“Our National Anthem is amazing,” Kaepernick said in an statement released by Disney’s ESPN. “I’m wholeheartedly sorry that my past actions of kneeling resulted in many people thinking our Anthem is racist and I apologize for that. And I pledge to give all my money from Nike to the families of fallen soldiers.

“Their sacrifice gave me the freedom to dishonor their memory and the free choice to amend my ways and make it up to them,” Kaepernick added, referring to his kneeling protest movement.

Five minutes after the first tweet, Trump released a second tweet explaining he had no plans to change the National Anthem and only wanted to see Democrats’ reactions.

“This is what Democrats and the fake news do: they take everything I say seriously and can’t tell when I’m being sarcastic or using their playbook against them,” Trump said in his second tweet. “‘The Star-Spangled Banner’ has been and will always be our great National Anthem.”

Immediately after Trump’s second tweet, Democrats, Kaepernick and the liberal media quickly condemned “The Star-Spangled Banner” as “racist” and “un-American.”

  

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