Nicholas Servi

[Disclaimer: This article is a parody story. While some events in this article are actually taking place, it is written for comedy purposes and shouldn’t be taken too seriously.]  As the Coronavirus pandemic spreads around the world, there is concern that people over 65, the most vulnerable age group concerning the virus, will be more exposed.  The Democrats have gone so far as to name a replacement for House Speaker Nancy Pelosi, should the zealous anti-Trump Democrat catch the disease and die. California Governor Gavin Newsom, a Democrat, announced that Speaker Pelosi’s daughter, Christine Pelosi, will be his first choice to replace Pelosi. “Christine is just like her mother on all the issues and her hatred of President Trump and his supporters,” Rep. Adam Schiff (D-CA) said. “There’s no danger she won’t pick up where her mom leaves off.” Christine Pelosi and her mom, both “Catholics,” also defend abortion and the right to kill unborn children in the womb, which is against ...

[Disclaimer: This article is a parody story. While some events in this article are actually taking place, it is written for comedy purposes and shouldn’t be taken too seriously.]  Hell named CNN’s Don Lemon as their first press secretary.  The underworld announced that Lemon will lead their new news coverage site.  “It was a tough decision,” a representative for the Devil told mainstream media hosts. “We had so many choices to choose from when it comes to devious journalism — MSNBC’s Joe Scarborough, Joy Baher of ‘The View,’ Brian Williams’ bad math, the entire staff at Bloomberg News, Jimmy Kimmel, Stephen Colbert, Vox’s Carlos Maza and his #VoxAdPocalypse against Steven Crowder, The Young Turks, Chris Cuomo and Katie Couric, but in the end we felt Lemon was our best candidate.”  Hell revealed it was a close race between Lemon and everyone else in the media who hate President Trump, but that Lemon put himself over the edge by demonizing Trump suppor...

[Disclaimer: This article is a parody story. While some events in this article are actually taking place, it is written for comedy purposes and shouldn’t be taken too seriously.]  Chinese President Xi Jinping, leader of the Chinese Communist Party, congratulated the Umbrella Corporation for stopping the deadly T-Virus that has plagued Raccoon City, U.S.A. “The Umbrella Corporation model at stopping the T-Virus is so effective that my government has adopted it to contain the Coronavirus,” Xi said. The T-Virus is a biological pathogen that turns infected persons into zombies and gruesome monsters. It allegedly escaped from a secret Umbrella lab built underneath Raccoon City. Critics condemned Xi’s response, claiming that Umbrella created the T-Virus and destroyed documents and other evidence linking Umbrella to the T-Virus. “This is the worst cover-up in history,” rookie RCPD Officer Leon S. Kennedy said. “I was there, I saw the underground lab where Umbrella unleashed this virus. “...

[Disclaimer: This article is a parody story. While some events in this article are actually taking place, it is written for comedy purposes and shouldn’t be taken too seriously.]  President Donald Trump announced the creation of a second White House task force to reopen the U.S. economy and get Americans and American businesses back to work. This task force will consist of experts — both in the Trump Administration and in the private sector — in economics and business to help figure out the best way to reopen the U.S. economy and decide when to open it — whether in 4-8 weeks or a few months. The names of everyone on the “Opening our Country” Task Force have yet to be released, as the task force is still forming, but at least six of them have been announced. President Trump announced at one of his nearly daily White House Coronavirus Task Force briefings that NBA’s Dallas Mavericks owner Mark Cuban, Kevin O’Leary, Lori Greiner, Robert Gerjavec, Barbara Corcoran and Daymond John –...

[Disclaimer: This article is a parody story. While some events in this article are actually taking place, it is written for comedy purposes and shouldn’t be taken too seriously.]  Liberals in the media and in Washington, D.C. are praising Darth Vader, second-in-command of the Galactic Empire, for his initiative in combating the spread of diseases on Alderaan. “The Empire is pleased to inform the Galaxy that we have successfully eliminated all new cases of deadly diseases on Alderaan by blowing up the entire planet,” Darth Vader told reporters on the observation deck of the Death Star, the Empire’s new super weapon and virus-killer. Vader touted the measures the Empire took to stop the spread of Alderaan viruses.  Vader was then asked if reporters and leaders from Earth could come to the Empire and see how the Alderaan people are returning to their normal lives now that the viruses are destroyed.  “Oh, umm, we put them on other planets inside our Empire, free from any i...

[Disclaimer: This article is a parody story. While some events in this article are actually taking place, it is written for comedy purposes and shouldn’t be taken too seriously.]  The streaming war continues. After Netflix launched their live-action TV show, “The Witcher,” based on the video game franchise of the same name, other streaming services are creating their own action-adventure/fantasy shows. HBO’s “The Last of Us” show, based on the video game franchise of the same name, will be released on HBO’s streaming service in 2021. Now, Amazon Prime is entering the fray with their new live-action tv show, “Skyrim.” The series is based on “The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim” video game. Amazon was inspired by the live-action trailers for the “Skyrim” video game and decided to take the next step with an original TV show. The filmmakers revealed that the “Skyrim” show will take place right after the events in “Skyrim,” picking up where the Skyrim Civil War storyline left off. “I mean, y...

[Disclaimer: This article is a parody story. While some events in this article are actually taking place, it is written for comedy purposes and shouldn’t be taken too seriously.]  Pope Francis called on Catholics around the world to pray the rosary together in order to fight the Chinese coronavirus. The rosary took place at 4pm ET (U.S.) on Thursday, March 19, the Feast Day of St. Joseph. “This pandemic is a time for the faithful to come together and work together to stop the spread of the coronavirus,” Pope Francis stated. “We must invoke the protection of our Blessed Mother (Mary) through our thoughts and prayers.” Democrats and liberal media hosts condemned the Pope for invoking “thoughts and prayers” in the face of a crisis — whether it’s a mass shooting or a pandemic. “People are dying and Pope Francis encourages people to give their thoughts and prayers,” Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez said. “The Pope is a fascist employed by the NRA and pharmaceutical corporations.” Democrat Ho...