Nicholas Servi

[Disclaimer: This article is a parody story. While some events in this article are actually taking place, it is written for comedy purposes and shouldn’t be taken too seriously.]  The Democratic National Committee announced virtual “delegates” will attend the Democratic National Convention in Milwaukee.    The Democratic leaders got the idea after Fox Sports used virtual “fans” in stands in order to get a sense of “normalcy” at MLB games during Opening Week last week. The cameras showed the computer-generated fans during the broadcast of baseball games on Fox to give the appearance of packed stadiums, even though the stadiums were empty except for the teams and team personnel. Cutaway shots revealed the empty seats in the stadiums.  “We wanted to maintain a sense of normalcy in these hard times caused by Trump and his virus,” DNC Chair Tim Perez said, claiming Trump for the Coronavirus, “so the best thing is to show CGI delegates attending our convention. “They ar...

[Disclaimer: This article is a parody story. While some events in this article are actually taking place, it is written for comedy purposes and shouldn’t be taken too seriously.]  Democrat Presidential Nominee Joe Biden in an interview with CNN’s Chris Cuomo pleaded with the American people to elect him President in November. “I believe every man is entitled to the sweat of his brow and nothing more,” Biden said to Cuomo in the interview. “It doesn’t belong to the man in Washington, the man in Beijing, or the man in Rome. “Would you kindly make me your President?” Biden added. Biden made his case that he is the best man to lead Americans to prosperity, claiming to do a better job than President Trump ever could on issues ranging from Covid-19, to the “peaceful protestors” to defunding the Men in Black (MIB). “I know things look bad because Trump claims this virus came from China, but if I am elected, we will create our utopia in America where everyone is equal ...

[Disclaimer: This article is a parody story. While some events in this article are actually taking place, it is written for comedy purposes and shouldn’t be taken too seriously.]  President Trump announced his support to reopen public schools in the United States. Trump’s plan isn’t a one-size-fits-all approach. Each school district will get to will decide when their districts will reopen (and not go to online classes only). Trump believes that if schools don’t reopen, parents should take the tax dollars allocated for each of their children in order to put their children into private, charter or other schools that will reopen. The CDC also released guidelines on how to safely reopen schools. Democrats believe Americans should stay at home due to the Coronavirus (unless you’re protesting or rioting, then go out) and leave schools closed. “President Trump doesn’t believe the scientists and teachers that say we shouldn’t reopen schools,” Pelosi said to CNN’s Chri...

[Disclaimer: This article is a parody story. While some events in this article are actually taking place, it is written for comedy purposes and shouldn’t be taken too seriously.]  The World In Catastrophe: Killzone Experiment Department (WCKD) has a brilliant solution to finding a cure for the Coronavirus: ordinary people handing their kids over to WCKD so that they can create a cure. WCKD (also know as WICKED, pronounced as “Wick - Ed”), an international health organization, claims that children — particularly older teens and young adults — hold the key to stopping the Coronavirus (Covid-19). “Research shows that kids and young adults are better equipped to handle Covid-19 symptoms, so most of them must be immune to the virus,” Doctor Ava Paige, WCKD Director, said at a press briefing. “We need you to give us your children without any questions so that we can stick them in technologically-advanced mazes that are unnecessarily complicated. Then, we will be able to extract blue g...

[Disclaimer: This article is a parody story. While some events in this article are actually taking place, it is written for comedy purposes and shouldn’t be taken too seriously.]  President Trump last week commuted the sentences of Avengers who sided against the Sokovia Accords, the United Nations’ governing power over the superhero team. It is another step in Trump’s actions against globalists. Before Trump’s Grants of Commutation, superheroes Captain America (Steve Rogers), Falcon (Sam Wilson), Ant-Man (Scott Lang), Scarlet Witch (Wanda Maximoff), Bucky Barnes and Hawkeye (Clint Barton) still faced prison time or probation for opposing the Sokovia Accords, even after defeating Thanos last year. The Sokovia Accords were signed in 2016 under President Barack Obama and Vice President Joe Biden, months before Trump won the 2016 Election in November and became President. Under the Sokovia Accords, the U.N. unilaterally forced the Avengers to be controlled by the U.N., instead of...

[Disclaimer: This article is a parody story. While some events in this article are actually taking place, it is written for comedy purposes and shouldn’t be taken too seriously.]  First, it was the Washington Redskins. Now, it is every major, minor, college and high school sports team. The NFL’s Washington Redskins released a statement today that they will be changing their team’s name and logo, dropping the “Redskins” name. Activist groups and corporations are pushing to force other sports organizations to change their team names and logos. Animal-rights activist group PETA (People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals) attacked sports organizations named after animals, including the NFL’s Chicago Bears, Carolina Panthers, Baltimore Ravens and Philadelphia Eagles; MLB’s St. Louis Cardinals, Chicago Cubs, Baltimore Orioles; and many more teams; NHL’s Buffalo Sabres and Florida Panthers; and the NBA’s Chicago Bulls, Dallas Mavericks and Toronto Raptors. “These o...

[Disclaimer: This article is a parody story. While some events in this article are actually taking place, it is written for comedy purposes and shouldn’t be taken too seriously.]  Democrat Nominee Joe Biden emerged from his basement to hold a press conference on Tuesday, June 30. It is the first time Biden has made a public press conference in 89 days. No surprise, Biden attacked President Trump on everything from the Coronavirus response to a leaked un-vetted report that Russia paid the Taliban bounties on U.S. troops. Biden also took this opportunity to announce the new communications manager for his Biden 2020 Campaign: J. Jonah Jameson, CEO and Chief of The Daily Bugle. “Jonah is a fine man,” Biden said after reading from the pieces of paper containing his attacks against Trump, referring to Jameson. “He, umm, has high integrity both as a person and a media pundit. He’s a journalist guy you can trust.” Jameson then took the stage after Biden. The dozen or so journalists and ...

[Disclaimer: This article is a parody story. While some events in this article are actually taking place, it is written for comedy purposes and shouldn’t be taken too seriously.]  Who you gonna call when the cops are defunded and you’re being attacked? Apparently if you live in the Twin Cities, it’s the Ghostbusters. The Minneapolis City Council plans to go forward with their plan to defund and abolish the Minneapolis Police Department, despite three city councilmembers hiring private security to protect themselves. The Council announced that the Ghostbusters will patrol the streets and defend their citizens from all spectral-related crime. “The only bad guys in our city will be dead guys — ghosts,” a Minneapolis City Councilwoman said in a CNN video interview. “Everyone knows all crime is committing by people possessed by ghosts and stuff. Ghostbusters are the only ones who can stop all the crime in this city — and anyone who says differently comes from a place of privilege.”...

[Disclaimer: This article is a parody story. While some events in this article are actually taking place, it is written for comedy purposes and shouldn’t be taken too seriously.]  There’s a reason Democrats want to keep Democrat Nominee Joe Biden holed up in his basement. Biden made a rare appearance outside his Delaware basement to give a press conference on June 1, with a dozen reporters and cameramen in attendance. It was his first public appearance in 89 days, since before the Coronavirus pandemic started. Biden conducted a video chat interview with CNN’s Chris Cuomo yesterday to explain why he waited so long to show up in public again. The Democrat nominee claims that his friend, Tyler Durden, came up with the plan to stay in his basement to conduct his campaign. Biden explained that Durden’s campaign plan is 100 percent more effective at beating President Donald Trump than anything Biden could ever come up with. “It was Tyler [Durden] who told me I should stay in...

[Disclaimer: This article is a parody story. While some events in this article are actually taking place, it is written for comedy purposes and shouldn’t be taken too seriously.]  Seattle officials and law enforcement (finally!) seized control of the city section controlled by the Capitol Hill Organized Protest (CHOP), formerly the Capital Hill Autonomous Zone (CHAZ). The Seattle Police Department carried out their plan to retake the six city blocks that made up CHOP on Wednesday, July 1, after four people had died in separate shootings inside CHOP over the last week. Handicapped by local Democrat leaders and senior police officials in Seattle, the Seattle men and women in blue had an ingenious way of driving out the left-wing protesters and anarchists occupying CHOP and seizing the area without firing a shot: playing “Everything is Awesome” on 24/7  repeat . “Everything is Awesome” is the hit song from the animated film, “The LEGO Movie.” It is both loved and hated fo...